Family Vacation

I realize it's been awhile since I've posted here and I wanted to do a little picture blogging of our family vacation earlier this month :)

Here are some of the highlights:

 We got to enjoy the beautiful autumn near Coeur d'alene, ID and Spokane, WA

 We got to experience terrain and culture very similar to Alaska.

 We had an EPIC ugly sweater contest :)  Jeremiah won with his incredible homemade fringes.

 I got to bond with my incredible niece and nephews who stole my heart.

 I got to put Maddox down for almost all his naps and bedtime.  Precious, precious memories :)

I got to give the kiddos their nightly bath - baby tacos :)

And this brings me to 2 of the funniest moments on the trip.

Moment #1:

Gabby and Maddox are in the bath.

Maddox: "I pee!"

Gabby: "Maddox, did you pee in the water?"

Auntie Rachel cringes

Maddox: "Yesss."

Gabby: "ME TOOO!"

Auntie Rachel starts laughing uncontrollably.

Moment #2:

Maddox is "brushing" his teeth.  Really this looks like Maddox sucking all the toothpaste off his toothbrush and asking for more.

Auntie Rachel: "Nope, you have to brush um all!  Brush the ones in the back!"

Maddox takes his toothbrush out of his mouth and thoughtfully looks at it for a moment and then reaches around and starts brushing his back.

Auntie Rachel starts laughing uncontrollably.

Daydreaming from my desk.

There are fewer things as glorious as a perfect autumn day.

 The type that starts off being socked in with fog that lingers like tendrils throughout the rest of the day.  The fog seems to embrace the trees in their autumn garb.  They present their colors in full and vibrant.  The air has that distinctive nip in it that makes  u want to put on a cozy sweater and scarf and go for a long meandering walk in the woods.  Or sit out on the porch with a cup of cider.  Taking deep breaths and just reveling in the smells and feeling and sounds of autumn.  Leaves crunching underfoot, squirrels bustling about getting ready for the snow and cold to come.  Occasionally you can hear the last geese and birds overhead headed south for warmer climates.  But right now I do not envy them.  I am blissfully happy.  Here, wrapped up in my cozy blanket with my feet curled under me.  Letting the peace of the season permeate my soul.  

Rebirth of Famous Words

Today I found myself feeling beat up.  One of those days where you see all your faults and shortcomings.  Today was full of realizations of how lazy I have become.  How I have stopped pushing myself and let excuses win.  Then the words of William Ernest Henley popped into my head.

"I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."

With that I banished those destructive thoughts that had brought a cloud cover over me.

But as I kept thinking about this incredible poem I realized that Henley, although his words are inspirational and lift the human spirit to believe in the possibilities of life, got it all wrong.

Now don't think I am criticizing him.  I am not.  I respect his poem and think its amazingly beautiful and stirring.

But I think I got a Holy Spirit Download with a few rewrites to his poem.  After rewriting it, not only did it make my chest swell with pride and possibility; it also made my heart soar knowing that I am not alone in this.  And that someone bigger than it all is truly in charge.

Invictus - Reborn

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
My God I humbly thank thee
For saving my unworthy soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have winced and cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My knee bent to pray with head bowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms the horror of the shade,
Yet with His spirit through the years
I stand and am found unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
HE is the master of my fate:
HE is the captain of my soul.



Here is the origianl poem.  (All credit given to William Ernest Henley for his words, I own none of them and intend no copyright infringement.)

Invictus


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Cherries

Have you ever felt God smile at you?

It's the most incredible feeling.  I just got to experience it.  Not for the first time of course, but it feels like it's been awhile.  Which all the blame goes to me...so maybe I should rephrase that and ask;

Have you ever been aware enough to feel God smiling at you?

I think it's all a matter of us paying attention to Him.  Because we are the apple of His eye and He's ALWAYS paying attention to us.

Tonight is my 2nd night alone since Jordan is off to Peru for a mission trip.  Before he left Jordan told me that while he was gone God was going to show me something that I wasn't able to see before because Jordan was there.  In other words; I wasn't paying attention.  So, I've been talking to God since I'm by myself.  And tonight I said something profound (at least to me it was).  I went to Sam's Club today and bought a big box of cherries. Mmmmmm. I went into the kitchen to grab some to snack on and as I'm putting some in a bowl, I noticed the color tones of these cherries.  And they were beautiful. I had never really noticed before.  But the color was just astounding and rich and so varied.  And without thinking I said,

"God, you make beautiful things."

I froze.  Then I heard Him say, "Yes, I do." Then I felt it.  I felt Him smile.  All I can say is that I felt this warmth and this joy fill up my chest until I too had to smile.  Now my mind won't stop getting this revelation, of how beautiful God  makes things, and how much He delights in His creations.  How often must He smile down on us.

Now I can't get this song out of my head:

"You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of the dust.
You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of us."

Jordan has told me over the last 2 weeks with all the blessings God has poured on us that God is treating us like my how my Dad treats me.  God wants to give us good things, He wants us to feel spoiled and blessed.  God loves to give us gifts.

Tonight has been a gift.  I have my loving family texting and calling to make sure I'm doing alright.  :) And I have a nice bowl of beautiful and delicious cherries.  Thanks God!

Fearfully?

Pslam 139:14
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful, 
    I know that full well."

How much do we break God's heart?  How often do we talk about or think about the parts of us we would change or that we don't like.  I know I am guilty of it daily.  And even worse, there are times we say words that are so damaging and I can only imagine it brings tears to God's eyes.

I am so stupid.

I am so ugly.

I am so fat.

I hate ___ about me.

I am not normal.

Things that often we don't think about as "damaging" ourselves.  But they do.  These words are like a hand made, gold embossed invitation for the enemy to come on over!  Here's the way in!

I have been dwelling on this verse the past couple days. Chewing on it and wondering...why did David write "fearfully"? I understand "wonderfully".

Just take a human anatomy class and you'll be blown away at our makeup.  The fact is, you would be left in wonder if you truly understood how God has made each of us.

Can you grasp what David says just a few verses later?

"... all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

I like to think of God taking it upon Himself (thousands of years ago) before He made the world, to sit down and think up each of us in detail.  

"Hmm let's see.  I think I will make Rachel next.  We'll give her dark hair and complexion.  I'll give her a silly sense of humor.  I'll put it in her heart to serve me.  She'll have a really strong conscience.  And I will give her to the Dargis'.  I'm going to make her a little loud. *smiles* Oh wait until they hear her laugh.  Hmmm... I think I'll make Jordan next. A perfect match."

Come on guys.  Think about this.  God made every part of us on purpose.  He designed your nose, ears, elbows, knees, frame, height, etc.  He MEANT to make you the way you are.

I make myself stop and think about me like my loving God does.  It helps chase those horrible destructive thoughts and words away.

But "fearfully"?  What does this mean?  Well, after reading a few studies on it.  They all say it is our response to how we are made.  Our complexity should cause us to stand in fear, or awe of how God has made us.  His works inspire us to be awestruck and sometimes filled with fear at how awesome, large, and able He is.  And it's true.  Like I've been saying, if we really thought about it we would be in awe more.

Just the other day I saw a woman at work with one arm that was gone from the elbow down.  The rest of that day I was so conscience of my hand and how my fingers work.  How I don't even think about what I do before I do it.  It just happens.  It kinda makes you stop and say wow.

The Strongs Concordance says this:

Fearfully  in Hebrew = Yare' (ya-ray)

1) to fear, revere, be afraid

a) (Qal)

1) to fear, be afraid

2) to stand in awe of, be awed

3) to fear, reverence, honour, respect

b) (Niphal)

1) to be fearful, be dreadful, be feared

2) to cause astonishment and awe, be held in awe

3) to inspire reverence or godly fear or awe

c) (Piel) to make afraid, terrify

So we've covered the first part.  Now let me tell you about my thoughts.  They come from the second section of this.

To be feared, to cause astonishment, it inspire Godly fear or reverence.

That is what I think David meant.  When we live our lives for Him.  When we embrace the fact that we are wonderfully made, we will understand that we are Fearfully made too!

Suddenly we begin to live with the knowledge that the enemy lives in fear of us!  He lives in fear that we will realize who and what we are!  That we'll grasp this concept and suddenly take away that gold-embossed invite and send him fleeing!

We also start living in a way that we cause people to stop and stare and try to figure us out.  We start inspiring Godly fear and reverence in others!!!

Think about this!  If we embrace the way God made us ON PURPOSE there is power in it!  

Suddenly your words change!

I am complex!

I am wonderful!

I am powerful!

I am able!

I am smart!

I am beautiful/handsome!

I embrace my quirks cause God wanted me to have them!!

Oh can you feel that joy starting to build?  Can you feel it?  I can!! Whew!! 

Thank you God that I am WONDERFUL AND FEARFULLY MADE!!!

Words are not enough

This post holds so many answered prayers and dreams about to be realized, it feels daunting. I don't know how to start....

My God.  My loving, listening, powerful, scheming, planning, purposing, faithful, and unchanging God...has done us a solid. :)

I'm going to be honest.  I'm going to risk myself and my emotions by being real.

In our first few years of marriage we have learned why $ is the leading cause of divorce.  We have never been in want, we have always had enough.  But, it has always been a struggle.  Finances have caused alot of stress on us and our marriage.  He has continually blessed me with solid jobs.  Yet, for some reason God has pushed Jordan.  We have seen the loss of jobs and the gaining of jobs and the low pay and the raises in Jordan's life.  And I have come to be indignant at times.

My husband is faithful, he works hard, he is so capable and intelligent.  Why, God, do you hold back your blessings?  Why do you hold back rewards?  Why can he not find a decent job?

The Lord spoke to me during our first year when Jordan was out of work.  He said; "The atmosphere isn't ready for him yet."  and puny human Rachel goes, "What!?!? You are God, you can make this happen! What is that supposed to mean?" A month of doubt and questions later God moved and showed me what he meant when a unknown person, soon to be a friend, asked me what she could pray for us.  I told her a job.  Then she told me about a job available that Jordan would be great at.  I think it was a month later, he had the job and excelled.  We praised God and thanked Him.  And I learned a very important lesson about atmosphere.

Moving to Colorado was a very "un-rachel" thing to do.  It was sudden, it was unplanned, and it was stressful.  But we knew it was God's will and He had given me peace.  Of course 2 months here with no jobs disrupted that peace greatly.  These last 9 months or so have been a challenging journey.  Can you believe it's been that long?  Well, all along I have been pestering God.  "When will you reward Jordan?  When will a job come?"

Then in March we found out...we have 1 week to find a place to live and to get a 2nd income or we are sunk.  By that friday we had an apt and jordan had a job washing windows.  Again God showed up....BUUUT not early :)  O He is sooo infuriating!  But in an incredible way full of sweetness and goodness.

Since that fateful week we have made it a habit to thank God for all that we have.  And yet we still found ourselves living that life of month to month and paycheck to paycheck.  Trying to figure out how to pay back our debts from moving, how to rebuild savings and get back on our feet.  How??

I can't believe how much God cares for us sometimes.

Jordan goes to Peru the 1st  two weeks of August.  We had been starting to think about job hunting because his job wasn't going to work long term and we want to be able to make plans, start a family, live freely w/o $ causing grief.  Then Jordan got an email from a guy we met at church.

Suddenly this glimmer showed over the horizon.  And this indignant wife whose hope had all but vanished, felt something start flickering and burning again.  Could it be?  Could this be the wave of response from God that He has been building and scheming and planning?  Has He been up there chuckling with delight while I pester Him about how I think He should work in our lives.  Oooh my God so gets me.  He knows me so well, He planned things out to the day and hour.  And I can appreciate a good plan.  ;)

So we've been waiting on this opportunity for a few weeks and then suddenly Jordan gets an interview.  That day my heart never slowed down and my delicate hope was so vulnerable.  "God, I don't know what I'll do if he doesn't get this job.  I'm so out of hope.  But I trust you."

Let me show you how good my God is.

Jordan had an interview at 11am.  He was told he was a good candidate but wouldn't know for sure for a week or so.

BY 3 THAT AFTERNOON HE HAD A JOB OFFER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AHHH!!!

I get overwhelmed with emotion just writing this.  I went from joy to disbelief to tears.  A job! A JOB!! With great pay and benefits and training and opportunity!!  All because of who Jordan is and was in front of this man at church, and God stirring that man's heart to see Jordan's potential.

Finally I can see my husband being rewarded I can see the world layed out before him and a big God standing behind him with His hand on J's shoulder.  I can see it.

So...Jordan received this interview with exactly 2 weeks notice for his current employer before he goes to Peru and when he gets home?  A new job awaits!  Come on...think about this timing guys?  Goodness just isn't enough of a word to explain my God.  No word is.  But He can see and feel the swell of my heart.  He knows that this means more to us than more money.  This means that hope...never dies.  That He is NEVER to late.  Even if it feels like Lazarus is dead already.  HE IS NEVER LATE! This means that having new clothes, furniture, more date nights, paying debts, and starting a family are all within reach now.  He knows that puny human Rachel has seen a miracle and now her faith and hope are ablaze again.  This job means so much more than 9-5.

This is God doing us a solid. :)

Watch for Little Foxes

I do not profess to be an expert on marriage.  I can only share the knowledge I have gained from 26 years of observing marriage modeled for me by my parents, siblings, friends, relatives and others. Aside from that I can pull what I have learned from 2 and 1/2 years of marriage.  Again...it is nothing ground breaking or great wisdom no one else has understood.  It is simply the result of my journey and I believe there is great value in chronicling and sharing my journey.

I learned very early on that no matter what anyone says or how hard they try to explain, you will never truly know what marriage means, how hard it is, how much work it takes, and the incomparable joy that it brings in your life.  It shocked me to discover how hard it is to take 2 separate lives and mash them together.  With habits, cleanliness, thinking process, expectations, likes and dislikes.  I was also blown away at how being married can make you feel better than any romantic comedy movie or any story or anything you can imagine.  A Christ centered loving marriage is the most incredible blessing.  I have never felt so fulfilled and so happy than when I am sitting quietly, cuddling with Jordan.  There are those memories of the blissful happiness while dating; saying I love you, first kiss, listening to each others hear beat, when he proposed, etc. But even still, there is a much greater reward God saves for marriage.  It is experiencing unconditional love and a pure desire for each other.  It is the closest example we will ever have of what God talks about with His bride and church.

One of the most impacting things I have learned from our marriage is one of my greatest weaknesses that is used against me:  My thoughts.  From how I perceive something, to how my train of thought leads me on a trail to anger and hurt.  So often arguments and wounds result directly from my lack of control over my thoughts.  Maybe Jordan says something of hand with a "tone".  Suddenly my mind goes on defense and starts analyzing what he said.  Before I know it my husband (in my mind) is trying to hurt me or just doesn't care how I feel.  What a load of bullocks!  What a nasty trick...one that my mind starts justifying by what my emotions now tell me.

The thing is... I don't believe that I'm alone.  I think this happens with many wives.  I think our thought life is a battleground.  I think that as women, our thoughts are not addressed enough.  Maybe if we can harness our minds we can prevent the resulting "symptoms".

Here's what I'm getting at:

Proverbs 2:15
"Catch for us the foxes,
the little foxes that ruin the vineyards,
our vineyards that are in bloom"

Ever since this passage was first brought to my attention, I have obtained a powerful weapon for my Thought Wars. I have obtained crucial intelligence and I can read the moves of my opponent.  Not always, but I'm getting better at it, I am honing my skills.

But I'll tell you what, in those moments when offense starts building and emotions begin to boil, I can stop all my thoughts and whisper to myself; "Little foxes...little foxes..." and if that's not enough I can say; "He loves me, he doesn't want to hurt me, he is not attacking me, we are on the same team."

I have noticed a change in me.  I have noticed a decline in arguments.  I have noticed that many times the catalyst of an argument happens in the mind when emotions blind and suddenly things go red.  I have noticed that I can change it and control it.  I have noticed that Truth is a powerful weapon.  I can catch those little foxes that try to ruin my vineyard.  I can win my Thought Wars.

Shift and Challenge

I will see this season through, I will fix my eyes on you, only you. only you.
- Hillsong live

so my mindset and comfort level has been greatly challenged. and the source comes from one of the most unlikely places i ever would have expected. a Christian fiction book!

now don't get me wrong, i know that these books speak to a lot of people. I've just more often than not found them to be a little corny and felt that they didn't really represent what a real Christian walk is like.  I know it's not fair to lump all books of the genre into this generalization, and i am not.  I am just sharing how i have perceived them.

this book though, i found at once captivating.  it's about a family moving west.  and just by they way the live and by not changing their morals or ideals or habits and living life full of integrity they make a phenomenal impact on a gold-booming town.  there specifically are two quotes from this book that like i said have challenged and blindsided my mindset.

"Why would the Lord complicate our lives with riches?"  this was the Mrs outlook on prospecting.

"A man ought to first find his place and purpose in life and then worry about riches."

so here's the challenge to my brain...

Can a person really..and i mean really... push finances aside and focus first on finding WHERE they are supposed to be and live.  A place they will be happy and make there home.  And then find out WHAT their purpose is. Soul searching and praying and trying different things until they find that thing that God made them to do.  Something they have an undeniable passion for.  and THEN worry about how to afford the where and the what?

I realize this may seem ...i don't know... like money is sooo important. but really be honest. if you were going to set out to find the what and the where, wouldn't you first think about how you were going to afford finding it?  it's human nature.

And i totally understand that there in lies the power of it.  Can you imagine, if we really did totally trust God to provide our every need and trust that He would bless us as we search out His will for us, i wouldn't be surprised if at the otherside of it, the "affording" part would have taken care of itself, or nearly.

So then how do i live like that? do i pack up and take off...searchign and wandering. how does a person discover where they are to live and what their purpose is? Take it from someone who has dug deep and really tried to discover what i'm made for. someone who picked up and left the only home she ever knew in hopes of finding the where that fit like a glove. both have alluded me.  but i still believe it's out there and can happen.

Changing a mindset... hmm. this will take some work.

Daily Good News - Every Morning at 6 and 9

Imagine this...

You are getting ready for work.  Packing your lunch, making coffee and the like.  The tv is on in the back ground and you stop to flip to the news station. After a few stations you stop because you hear: "Good morning! Welcome to Daily Good News where it's good news and only good news, all the time!"
Then the program proceeds to share story after story: "Boy saves cousin from drowning" "Youth group hands out free lunches to city's homeless teens"...slowly you sit down, your jaw hanging open.  You can hardly believe what you are seeing and shush your kids come in.  They sit down beside you with confused looks on their faces. 

Now really think about it.  What would happen to our society if there was a news program out there that actually truly only aired positive news.  Can you imagine how that would effect your day?  Or how it would effect the outlook of people.  Maybe people would look forward to the news.  I can just see all sorts of people giving tips of the good things happening around them.  They would start focusing on the positive parts of life.  Suddenly people would see the good and find things to be thankful for.

Could it ever really happen?  Well maybe it can each morning, in our minds.  Maybe in our words.  Maybe in our actions.

Just Imagine....

A prayer for YOU

So here we are. Waiting on you God.

I have not been the model of faithful. I have lost my hope and my faith. I have doubted and despared. But God, I know that you never did.

You have been constant. Your plan has never waivered. I have been in your hand and on your path all along. And when I paniced in the seeming darkness, you kept me from straying off the path.

God even now I struggle. I can't see further than a few steps. God I can see all the things stacked up in front of me. The make a wall, a wall of doubt and confusion. At times I drown in the thoughts that there is no way to conquer this wall. That it's impossible for my hopes and dreams to come true. That there's no way through it.

And yet I can recall my furvent prayers you answered.

God, give us a place of our own. You gave.

Lord bring us jobs to support ourselves. You provided.

I dreamed and longed after a church to challenge my spirit and inspire me. You fulfilled.

Lord, you challenged me not to long ago to dream bigger. And I did. I have been trying so furvently to improve my faith, to build up my hope and to banish doubt. Yet, I am human and today I have struggled. I have laid my hopes, dreams, and requests before you. I see no way for them to come true or to happen anywhere in the neighborhood of the way I envision.

But YOU are able. YOU are my God. YOU are my povider. YOU never fail. YOU are forever constant. YOU are the Great I AM. Nothing is to big, nothing is impossible, nothing nothing nothing is beyond YOU. Because YOU are the great beyond. YOU.

A challenge was laid before me today, to focus on what I do have rather than the things I don't. To look at life with contentment that YOU are my FATHER and my PROVIDER. My ever present help, my shelter, my refuge.

How long will I fall for the tricks of the enemy to focus on the lack, to focus on the things he convinces me I can't live without.

YOU God, YOU know the desires of my heart. YOU have put them there. I trust YOU to bring them to pass in the timing YOU have ordained. Lord I am striving to shift my thoughts from “I” to “YOU”. Because YOU are worthy and there is none before YOU.

God hear my heart, search me and find in me all that is unpure, anything that seperates us. Lord let my life become YOU focused.

recent update

Life has been so challenging lately.

In the aspect of there being an overwhelming amount of free time. No tv, no internet. Limited funds for activites, and the like. I keep thinking what I would do if I could; get a dog (no pets allowed in apt), work with horses(haven't had the opp to look into it because of the formentioned lack of internet. And it's amazing how I forget all the things I want to do online when I finally do get online.), work in a garden, go bike riding (no bikes and nowhere to keep a bike.), and the like.

So it's been an interesting past couple of weeks in our new place. Other than that thought we have really enjoyed this. Having our own space, our own kitchen, and everything. Granted, it still looks and feels like a bacholor pad in this place...but it will take time to accumulate a household....or pots and pans... :) that and i'm not sure if we'll be here longer than the summer. So that's another contributing factor.

Jordan and I keep saying to each other: “i wonder what God is doing.” it is all so unpredictable. Nothing has happened the way we thought it would, or hoped it would. Yes, all things have been provided right when we need them. But its been so excruciatingly difficult. And I think that is why God has us move when and how we did. If we would have spent more time thinking and figuring and researching, we may not have moved. Just based on numbers and likelyhoods and what not. But I know we are in the will of God. He has us where He wants us. Why else would we find NO other available places to live in our price range. None! The one other place they didn't choose us to rent. Or how jordan got offered a job that started the week after we moved in. or that we have been able to make things work with just 1 car. Or how we have never run out of money...although we still are believing God to bring us back to a good place financially.

Please dont' missunderstand what I am writing for complaining or blaming or anything. I am just being honest. I think most of the people who read this know and love us. So I want to be real, so you know how to pray and so you know i'm still me :) cause here's the thing.

I have unrealized dreams. Desires that burn in my heart. And so does jordan. And the circumstances seem so incredibly daunting most of the time that it's so easy to think that all these things will never happen. That we'll spend our lives barely keeping our nose above water. I struggle with that thought. But I cling to another picture. One of hope and one that shows us living with all that we need. And happy and content. I cling to the Hope of Christ Jesus to save us and provide for us and lead us down His path for our lives.

I just wish it was a bit more comfortable! But then i'd probably complain about being bored then too. Oh how fickle is my heart.

Thank you God for loving me throughout.

And thanks everyone for reading and keeping up with us. I realize i've been vague so let me sum up:

We are now living on the west side of Loveland, CO. A wonderful town that we have felt drawn to since the beginning. We moved in on april 1^st. Our landlords are named frank and bunny :) our place has carpet in the kitchen and the bathrooms and everywhere else. Kinda weird but I can deal.

I am working at State Farm on the corporate end working “behind the scenes” in comparrison to my previous job selling insurance.

Jordan is working with a friend from church who has his own window cleaning business. It's a great job to start but only for the summer. Jordan is also trying to get a computer service/tutoring business off the ground. He's had 1 paying customer so far and we are praying for God's favor there. It has great potential, it's just all about timing and getting in with the right people.

We have found a home church called Ressurection fellowship or the REZ and we absolutely love this church. It is an older church that's been around over 30 years, and it's huge maybe 3000 people? But we still love it so much. We've joined a small group for young marrieds and are really enjoying the fellowship there. We have yet to really find a network of friends here. Of course we've only been here 6 months, so we gotta give it time.

I think that's the jist of it all. Keep in touch with us. We miss all our alaskan friends dearly! But sometimes the path God sends you down can be lonely for a time. We're learning :)

My heart is a fickle thing...

My Heart IS a fickle thing...

The road has been so twisting, the constant I have found is uncertainty in all but my God.  I search for ways to make me smile and forget the stress and worries i heap on myself.  Some things I've found:

walking with Jordan

my family

joking at work

reading books

funny tv shows like New Girl - the lastest episode almost made me choke from laughing! (There is Carp in my dress!)

and yesterday i found this video:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=1G4isv_Fylg

and yesterday, i went to church exhausted from a long dissapointing search for a place to live.  It took me 3 or 4 songs to finally decide, no matter how sad and dissapointed i am, God is still good, God is still faithful and I will find something to praise Him for.  Worship got really sweet after that, and the knot in my throat loosened and i didn't cry anymore.

we found out thursday that we have to find a new place to live by april 1. the next day jordan got 2 job opportunities and we found the first apt that may work.  since then i have felt on the cusp of relief, to be on the other side of this....struggle, stressfest, desert.

God promised me a week ago that "I will bring you to your knees with my kindness." what an amazing promise right!  just stunned me!  But me in my human mind translated that into what i wanted: the perfect home for cheap, the perfect job for jordan, all my wishes come true.  so you can imagine with those expectations yesterday's hunt was hard on me.  especially when we drove into a condo-plex that i really like and saw a family moving out, my heart soared!  This is it!! jordan went over and asked abotu the place, i called the landlady who was tickled i called.  but my heart fell when she told me the rent.  so far beyond our reach..."where are you God? this was your chance!"

oh rachel rachel rachel.... it wasn't until i got to that 5th or 6th song at church that i realized what i had done.  God's kindness doesn't fit inside my expectations.  His kindness could come from sooo many places.  Maybe it will come in me learning how to let go and let God.  Maybe it will come in a dog! :) Or starting a family, or family moving closer, or a friend, or a deeper relationship with jordan.  Maybe it will come in supernatural peace, maybe in rama word from God, maybe a sweeter relationship with Him.  How can i think I know what His kindness should look like?  All i know is that i am holding on to His promise of kindness, and I WILL be thankful for whatever home He gives us.  whether the place has bright orange counter tops, or carpet in the batroom and kitchen.  I will be thankful! and i will try to train my fickle heart.

30 all important things i need to mention...

15 Things I Miss About Alaska:

1. A dark quiet winter night after a big snow, when the stars and moon highlight the snow covered trees.

2. The way the air always smells so clean and fresh

3. Staying up really late in the summer to sit outside in the daylight and enjoy the views

4. The way the sunrise/sunsets color the mountains

5. The northern lights

6. Painting and craft days with my girlfriends!

7. Our youth group and the awesome leadership team

8. Going for walks in my old neighborhood

9. Not being able to see in your neighbor's windows

10. Going to see the twins perform in plays

11. My old co-workers, nat and the mikes :)

12. Hatchers pass

13. the field Jordan proposed in

14. Driving down fairview loop really fast (but never over the speed limit)

15. Knowing all the backroads

15 Things I like about Colorado:

1. There are still beautiful mountains that the sun colors and shadows

2. Our church - spiritually challenging!

3. The young married group we've joined

4. Family is closer, and may be getting even closer!

5. Sharing this adventure with Jordan

6. Driving 75 mph on the interstate

7. My co-workers - they are a hoot!

8. My job

9. Thrift stores are waaaay better here!

10. It's sunny here almost all the time! :)

11. 70 degrees in february and march!

12. Birds that sing outside my window everyday

13. Flights don't take near as long!

14. Discovering new resturants

15. God has promised good things and a new life here!

I sincerely  miss my roots, my hometown, my friends who became family, and actual family still up there!  I've been thinking of you all and everything i miss lately and wanted to mention it.  But also want to mention, that no matter how difficult this move has been.  No matter how stressed and worried we get, I still KNOW that God has brought us here.  He called us to move and to put faith in Him.  And now we await.  We await His kindness, His provision, and His plan for us.  No matter how much I miss you all and my home, I remember that this world is not my home, this is not my life, it's all His. All I can do is find the things He's given to be thankful for and trust in His goodness.

I love and miss you Alaska and company!
I am coming to love you Colorado.

God I love you more than everything, thank you for this adventure.  Show me your glory!

My take 2 1/2 months in

I feel like I still have yet to truly experience living in Colorado.  Weird isn't it?  We've been here over 2 1/2 months and still not feeling setttled.  I think once we get our own place, and jobs, and involved at church it will feel different.  But I also don't think I can give an accurate opinion of living in Colorado until I experience all seasons.  So far I'm totally digging winter!

Maybe its because I've lived in Alaska forever and my tolerance for the dark and cold and winter length was gone, but I am loving the winters here.  We do get snow, usually alot at once and it stays for a day or two or three and then you are back to warmer temps that you can stroll in!  I love it.  Yes it is weird and it is surprising how poor people drive in the snow,  but so far I'm liking it.

When we first got here I did not like Longmont.  All the houses are so close and no yards and cramped and clutter and no elbow room.  But you get used to it.  It's such a different lifestyle.  I love being able to walk to downtown Longmont.  Go to the pumphouse for appetizers and sangria!  Or just walk down mainstreet.  Jordan found an oldstyle Barber shop filled with jolly fellas that he had a blast in.  I found a cool hair salon.  Oh and people are so nice!!

Longmont has truly grown on us.  We had though we should move to Loveland witch is about 20 min north of here, so I could be closer to work.  But now,  I have really grown attached to Longmont.  It so fun to get to know a town and I dunno it just feels good.  At first I was overwhelmed with the amount of people.  But now,  this town is big but it doesn't feel that way.  There's train tracks that cut it in half 2-3 times and the town just builds around it.  So Wasilla, it can be done!  Build on the otherside of the tracks! :)

We also have found an amazing church called Ressurection fellowship.  We love this church!  We've been going for over a month now and it's just amazing.  Not to belittle any previous pastors or speakers in my life, but this pastor Jonathan Wiggins has a different style than anything I've ever heard.  He makes the Bible come to life in a way that I don't want the sermon to end.  Before worship was always my favorite but now,  I'm torn!  Another thing I love about this church is that it is spiritually challenging.  Every week they have someone get up to declare the things God is healing/delivering people of.  it's intense!  It's happened for my neck and for breakthough and for jordan too!  well the specific thing was called out, my neck is still in the healing process praise God.  But the church is such a mature church.  I think that often newer churches can have a tendancy to keep the materials easier for new folks to comprehend.  This church just dives into the spirit.  Last sunday that had a word in tongues given and before he was done the guy with the interpretation was walking to the front.  I have never seen that happen and was totally blown away and blessed.  Just the maturity of the congregation and the content just makes my spirit wake up and want more.  It's so neat.  Before we moved I had told God I wanted to be in a church that made me grow and challenged me, He answered! :)  So we are going to get involved in the young married group and another cell group here soon and I am very excited.

So things are good, challenging but good.  I start work on the 23rd and then  we are off on our belated honeymoon cruise on the 28th!  so exciting!  We'll be married 2 years next month.  Just crazy!  So that's all for now.