Watch for Little Foxes

I do not profess to be an expert on marriage.  I can only share the knowledge I have gained from 26 years of observing marriage modeled for me by my parents, siblings, friends, relatives and others. Aside from that I can pull what I have learned from 2 and 1/2 years of marriage.  Again...it is nothing ground breaking or great wisdom no one else has understood.  It is simply the result of my journey and I believe there is great value in chronicling and sharing my journey.

I learned very early on that no matter what anyone says or how hard they try to explain, you will never truly know what marriage means, how hard it is, how much work it takes, and the incomparable joy that it brings in your life.  It shocked me to discover how hard it is to take 2 separate lives and mash them together.  With habits, cleanliness, thinking process, expectations, likes and dislikes.  I was also blown away at how being married can make you feel better than any romantic comedy movie or any story or anything you can imagine.  A Christ centered loving marriage is the most incredible blessing.  I have never felt so fulfilled and so happy than when I am sitting quietly, cuddling with Jordan.  There are those memories of the blissful happiness while dating; saying I love you, first kiss, listening to each others hear beat, when he proposed, etc. But even still, there is a much greater reward God saves for marriage.  It is experiencing unconditional love and a pure desire for each other.  It is the closest example we will ever have of what God talks about with His bride and church.

One of the most impacting things I have learned from our marriage is one of my greatest weaknesses that is used against me:  My thoughts.  From how I perceive something, to how my train of thought leads me on a trail to anger and hurt.  So often arguments and wounds result directly from my lack of control over my thoughts.  Maybe Jordan says something of hand with a "tone".  Suddenly my mind goes on defense and starts analyzing what he said.  Before I know it my husband (in my mind) is trying to hurt me or just doesn't care how I feel.  What a load of bullocks!  What a nasty trick...one that my mind starts justifying by what my emotions now tell me.

The thing is... I don't believe that I'm alone.  I think this happens with many wives.  I think our thought life is a battleground.  I think that as women, our thoughts are not addressed enough.  Maybe if we can harness our minds we can prevent the resulting "symptoms".

Here's what I'm getting at:

Proverbs 2:15
"Catch for us the foxes,
the little foxes that ruin the vineyards,
our vineyards that are in bloom"

Ever since this passage was first brought to my attention, I have obtained a powerful weapon for my Thought Wars. I have obtained crucial intelligence and I can read the moves of my opponent.  Not always, but I'm getting better at it, I am honing my skills.

But I'll tell you what, in those moments when offense starts building and emotions begin to boil, I can stop all my thoughts and whisper to myself; "Little foxes...little foxes..." and if that's not enough I can say; "He loves me, he doesn't want to hurt me, he is not attacking me, we are on the same team."

I have noticed a change in me.  I have noticed a decline in arguments.  I have noticed that many times the catalyst of an argument happens in the mind when emotions blind and suddenly things go red.  I have noticed that I can change it and control it.  I have noticed that Truth is a powerful weapon.  I can catch those little foxes that try to ruin my vineyard.  I can win my Thought Wars.