Thanksgiving Christmas

It's amazing how 2 inches of fluffy powdery snow can muffle everything and make you instinctively breath deeper. How the crunch of the snow under your feet carries you back to your childhood and the endless hours spent outside building forts and playing make believe in the magical white forests.

It's also amazing how a stack of wrapped gifts with bright ribbons and bows piled up next to the door ready to go on a road trip to get under a tree, makes me feel nostalgic for something I've never known.

Moving here I felt part of me was running away from the snow and the cold and the dark and the... winter! But tonight I embrace it. I stood outside as I dropped a birthday card in the mail to a most beloved friend, and all I could say was thank you.

Thank you God for giving me a nice and cozy home to come back into. Thank you for bringing us here for a fresh start. Thank you for friends who still remember me even when I'm so far away. (There's nothing as special as a box on your doorstep with a familiar name on it.) Thank you God for giving me such dear friends who have helped me become who I am. Friends who know my heart, who helped me find my fashion style, who value my opinion and input, friends who don't judge me for my silly guilty pleasure tv shows but rather giggle and confess they love them too, thank you for giving me such an amazing and love husband, thank you for having a plan and for giving me hope when I am at the end of my rope. Thank you for a full day of nothing but me and my husband walking around town and going to a barber shop! Thank you for the beautiful blanket of snow the night before we drive across a couple states to spend Christmas with family. :) But really, thank you!

It's been an incredibly challenging 2 months since we moved here to Colorado. And it still is a series of mountains to climb. But I know my God has a plan for us, that He'll never let us fall. I haven't exactly found myself in the Christmas spirit, but I have found myself being grateful. This song by Johnny Cash has been stuck in my head and my heart. Thank you God, and thank you to all my dear friends!

excuse me but i must rant...and pray.

This whole starting over thing....it's way scarier than i thought.

new job, new home, new friends, new church, new adventure~!!!  uh... where is it?

i know i know it's only been 3 days.  but i can't seem to stop my brain.  constant scurrying to find a job find a home..oh wait i have no idea where i want to live! i know i don't want to live in longmont, or greeley.. hmmm that sure narrows it down. NOT. see this is one of the reasons, God are you listening?, that i wanted to come visit first.  but instead dear Lord you have challenged me to come here with no idea, no security, no plans, just faith.  Okay....leap and hope you catch me.  it's alot easier saying i'll do it than actually doing it.

Jobs - almost every job i've had has either come to me or i have not had to chase.  they just work out. my last job in insurance. i did not seek it but it found me!  sooo.. can that happen here? maybe but the only person i really know is jeremiah and i kinda need to know what i want to do too.

what do i really want to do? i want to work with horses. i'd love to be the hospitality person on a ranch. greet and take care of guests, take care of the horses and barns, take guests for rides and just keep them entertained.  or work at a barn and learn how to be a trainer.  i'd love to be an understudy. and then eventually teach riding lessons or train horses. this would be my ideal.

but i feel that i may have to start with another job i've had experience in, coffee or office job.  both of which were good to and for me, but i want to do something new!! isn't that the whole theme here?  ugh!

but since jordan doesn't know what he wants to do either, we have to get a job here soon and whatever job pays well.  cause go figure, cost of living isn't that much lower.  its just that there's more to choose from.

yes gas and groceries are cheaper..but finding a place to live has so far proved challenging.  but maybe that's because a. we dont' really know where we want to live and b. God has the right place for us, just not yet.

is it crazy for me not to want to live in my brother's house? is it unfair that i want my own place where i can unpack my things and decorate and have a home?  no. i dont' think it is. no one would i think. and Jordan and God know my heart and my desires and they will partner with me to see them come to be.

it's just so very hard for me.  i haven't broken down and cried.  no when i start stressing and my brain gets close to exploding i'll just walk away... walk away and trust.

one thought that has been nagging at me is this; if it doesn't work out, what do we do?

i love alaska so don't get me wrong, but it would kill me to move backwards. to come back dejected.  i want this to work! God told us to go and we went.  why would he send us here only for us to trudge back to Alaska?

God this is your plan, right? i'm so sure of it, but where are your confirmations? where is your provision?

i do recognize that i have a place to live and that we know a few people :) i thank you so very much for that.

But God you are a God of great works!  You provide supernaturally and naturally!  Father show me your will and path! bring us to the town we are to live in!  bring us to the church you have prepared!  God provide jobs we never allowed ourselves to dream of!  Give us a future of good and success!  Father help us to prosper so that we can bring glory to your name and to bless others.

this may seem silly - 3 days in and i'm like this. but no it's really been 2 months for me. the waiting and waiting and then the traveling all the while knowing that i was going in completely blind. and if you know me at all, you'll know this is totally against my nature. i prepare and plan, i make lists and diagrams, i think things through thoroughly.  blind is not my style.  But, God is my style and if He asks me to use my faith, i am going to do my best.  Now it comes down to shutting down the doubt and trusting God.  Faith is one thing ...but trust is another. you can have faith: hope for something that is not seen. and not have trust- that you will see it.  God i repent for not trusting.  Here we go, i'm giving you control.  Show me your power and i will continue to be in awe of you.

Everything is new

Realization sank in last night.  Of all that I will be leaving.  The memories made in this house.  The friendships I've established.  The history I have with countless people because we've grown up in the same town.  The church support and family.  The ministry opportunities I've had through the years.  The nature, the hikes, the views.  Oh the list goes on and on and the tears come.

I told Jordan the other day that sometimes I think dissapearing one day would be easier than all of these goodbyes.  But then again, I love imprinting those last moments in my mind of the goodbyes to people I care for.  But still... goodbyes suck.

Last night at youth group I tried not too, but once we started getting prayed for I couldn't help it.  Probably the strongest word spoken was by our amazing youth pastor and friend Jeremy.  God gave me a gift through his words, one I was totally not expecting.

Jeremy spoke that God was saying that my past is wiped clean.  That my past won't matter anymore.  That the things I've come through and the experiences I've had are behind me.  That God has new things in store. 

This is when I stopped fighting the tears.  As many good things that I leave behind, I now leave behind the not so good.  I have carried alot of failures over the years.  Experiences that I have put up on the wall and used as a "note to self, don't ever do that again" sort of thing.  Like a failed young adults group, a failed discipleship group, rough friendship endings, scarring experiences from Bible School, and just the old me.

There was so much freedom in Jeremy's words.  The idea of not looking at my past and using it to discount what I could do, is liberating!  Sometimes Jordan will tell me about an idea or dream and I won't say it but immediately my brain sets off warning bells, "you tried that and failed!! don't go back down that road, it only leads to hummiliation and failure!" 

So Jeremy's words for me were really needed.  I've been saying that this move is full of new and fresh things for me.  And here is just another way.  It is so exciting to know that God has us on our way to a new and bright future.  Just as another leader, Jodi, said; God is lighting a match with us.  We will burn brightly and be a burning flame.  He has things in store for us, that is for sure.  I just need to remember not to discount what He could do in us.  This is going to be good!

"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ

has become a new person.

The old life is gone;

A new life has begun!"

II Corinthians 5:17

Finishing Strong

What a challenge it is to stick to it.  Too finish strong.  When I go for a run, chances are I'll end up walking up the driveway, not sprinting it. 

Currently I struggle with this same thing.  Finishing strong.  Staying dedicated and purposefully, keeping my mind focused and not passing the buck.  I'm talking about my last few weeks at work, before we move.  My whole self just wants to check out and get moving!  But I can't do that.  God has challenged us: "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." (Coll 3:23)

I truly long to do this.  To be able to accomplish more in the last few weeks than ever.  How cool would that be.  Kind of like - what's to lose?  Not my job!

I want to be able to say like Timothy:

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful." 2 Tim 4:7

This scripture always reminds me of a tape we listened too growing up. G.T. and the Halo Express.  It's an earlier type version of Odessey.  In that story there's a group of kids running a race together and they use scripture verses in song.  I've never forgotten that story or the song for this verse in 2 tim.  I'm actually thinking of buying the cd so we can listen to it down the alcan! :)

But the point is,  I do not want to become a weight around my coworker's necks.  I don't want to cripple this office simply because I can't focus on anything but leaving.  But it is truly a struggle.  It's so easy to pass on the tough customers and focus on getting all my stuff done so I can just leave.  Ugh.  I sound so dispicable right now.  The reason I am writing this is hopefully to encourage someone. 

It is so difficult to work a job day in and day out.  It can get so monatinous.  It can start to bring  you down.  But those reminders from God, go to work for me.  Do a good job, for me.  Maybe you won't rescue a villiage in Uganda from disease or starvation by sitting at a desk.  But maybe you will encourage a person who is at the end of their rope.  Maybe your friendly sincere quesiton of "how are you today?" will give someone a smile and the knowledge that they are not ignored.  I really feel that God has given me this job to teach me how powerful the small everyday interactions are.  How they are just as important as my trip to Africa.  People, no matter where they are or what they do or what they have, are all starved for love and affection.  God longs to impact those around us by our actions.  I've been feeling challenge lately to work hard, to finish strong, to make an effort and and impact even though I am leaving soon.  I can still be effective. 

So, I challenge you to adjust your outlook or attitude.  Just try it for today.  Maybe something will happen that will make you take notice.  Maybe the fedex lady will fall out of her truck and limp to deliever your package and you'll pray for her leg.  Maybe she'll beam and say thank you.  Just try working for God, try doing whatever you do to bless Him or to express Him to others.  I'm trying it, you should too.

Pro-vision

So Jordan and I really wanted to drive down the Alcan.  I've only done it once and I was too young to remember.  So we wanted this adventure together!  We decided we didnt' want to keep either of our cars, especially because they aren't the most comfortable for long trips.  So we started our hunt for a new vehicle.  I decided I wanted a midsize SUV and after doing alot of research I decided on a Chevy Equinox.  We didn't want a brand new one or a loan so started looking around on craiglist.  it happened to us 3 times.  we'd like one call on it and they'd be sold, or we'd make plans to go look and they'd sell.  we started getting discouraged and annoyed.  God we felt like we are supposed to drive, why won't you give us the right car??

Then we finally were able to look at one.  One of my wants was to not have another black vehicle.  but this equinox ended up being black.  and i liked it!! but as we looked it over and took it for a ride we realized that it was as used as my car.  more miles then we wanted and the interior was pretty cheap.  it handled more like a van then an suv type.  so we decided no.  and i am so glad we had that opportunity.

we went home and studied up on vehicles again.  this time we decided on the chevy trailblazer.  as we started searching we got excited.  there were alot more out there.  then we found a 2002 trailblazer that had 58K miles on it!! can you believe it?  oh..and it's black.  go figure.  tinted windows, low miles, pristine condition. lovely.  so we call this lady - diane - and set up a time to see it.

when we looked at the equinox i felt this uneasy nervousness when we went to look at it.  but this time around i just felt excitement, like it was right.  and when she pulled into the parking lot i loved it!

as we talked with her, we came to find out, she is moving to colorado!! what a coincident.  then we find out, she's moving to longmont!!  Same city Jeremiah lives!!  God is so cool.

It's just crazy! this trailblazer is in such good shape.  Diane just loves it and babied it and has driven it 2000 miles over 2 years!  barely any since she drove it up the alcan in 07.  this is the car for us. we both felt it and jordan pipes up and says, "we'll take it!"

Diane was so surprised!! But she needed it for a few more days to finish her moving.  So we made plans to meet back up last night.  Ohh my excitement has been building all week!!!  I just know this is the car God has had for us and I'm so glad he kept removing those equinox's from our path.

It's just amazing how each step along this journey God's hand is so obvious!  Thanks God!!  We are so excited for this adventure in our life.

The Perfect Merry-Go-Round Horse

When I was 7 or 8 I think, my family went to Disney Land.  I don’t remember much from that trip but I have one extremely vivid memory.  I remember it so detailed that it could only be God’s desire to recall it back to me yesterday morning, some 16 years later. 

I remember the merry-go-round very vividly.  I remember watching it and wanting to ride it.  All the kids smiling and families together having fun.  Then I saw the most beautiful horse on the merry-go-round.  It was the only one like it on the ride.  She was pure white, full and flowing mane and tail.  Flowers were in her mane, and bells hung from the saddle.  She was frozen in time in a leap.  I knew I had to ride her and only her.  So we waited in line.  Then finally it was my turn to go in.  As I dashed around trying to find that one perfect horse, my anxiety built and when I realized someone was on her already I could have cried.  My brothers tried to get me to ride another one, but I couldn’t.  I couldn’t just ride any horse when she was there. 

God bless my parents for asking the ride –man to let me wait for the next time.  So back through the gate to wait, first in line.  Oh the anticipation and the excitement!!  Then it was my turn, I remember my brothers and I running around trying to find this horse and I remember being scared another kid would get it and I would have to wait again.  Oh but I didn’t!! I found her and climbed aboard!  My brothers riding right beside me. 

My mother must have heard God whisper, “Take a picture” because He  knew I would need it one day.  So she did. And in that photo I’m not an ecstatic little girl with a huge smile on my face.  No I look comfortable and content.  Happy yes, but more like a smile of contentment.  Like I knew this was where I was supposed to be and the very horse I was to ride. 

Now when I look at that photo I close my eyes and imagine I’m on the ride again, music playing, slight wind lifting my hair, laughter and squeals and the knowledge that I got my horse. J

This memory is so full of meaning and metaphors for me.  It comes down to the thing I’ve been searching for as of late: my search for meaning, my calling, or as Max Lucado puts it, my sweet spot.

God has revealed things to me that stir my heart, things that make me feel alive.  And the first step towards those I believe, is moving to Colorado.  Jordan and I have been praying and seeking God and we have decided it is what He is calling us to.  So we are moving!!! 

And with moving comes finding new jobs.  Yes I could very easily find a job with State Farm down there, and I just might.  But that “sweet spot” deep inside of me is calling out to be heard and used.  So now it comes, the waiting and watching for that perfect job, that position, that dream come true.  I don’t know what it will be, maybe it will be with horses, maybe it won’t.  But I know that just as my savior rewarded my patience with a ride on the perfect merry-go-round horse, He will reward me with the perfect calling and purpose and job.  I can’t wait to experience all the things He has in store for us in Colorado. 

We are leaving towards the end of October, which is very soon.  And we will miss all of our friends and church family.  It will be hard for me to leave this place, the only home I’ve ever known.  I know it will, Alaska gets in the blood.  But I truly feel God is calling us to step out and adventure with Him.  And so . . . we go. 

The downward spiral of my affection for the town called Homer.

This is a story of adventure.  This is a tale that will frighten you, appal you, and leave you teary-eyed from laughter.  Let us begin...

It was a day, like any other.  Jordan and I had got off work early on a Friday to drive down to this town called Homer, for a friends wedding.  We had a wonderful drive together.  Lots of laughter and fun.  We made really good time too.  Driving that highway again was a treat in a way, the scenery is breathtaking.

As we arrived into this town called Homer, we headed for our reserved B&B.  Now I had been the one to procure our lodgings and have learned a valuable lesson throughout this incident.  Never again will I reserve lodging off of Craigslist w/o thorough research. 

We drove up to a run down house.  Paint pealing and dogs barking.  Red flag #1

I stayed positive saying, "Maybe it's better inside.  How bad could it be?"  OOohhhh those words, so pregnant with forshadowing. 

As we were calling the owner to see about getting into our room her basement tenant came out and offered to let us in.  He went back into the basement and momentarily opened the upstairs door.  Red flag #2  We thought it odd and a bit disconcerting that our host was absent and her downstairs tenant had free access to the home.

As we entered the home, we noticed a few details that quickly dashed my hopes.  A overwhelming smell of animal pee and poo. Red flag #3

Multiple bird cages, with no birds in them.  Red flag #4

The sound of birds perched near the ceiling and feathers flapping freely throughout the living room. Red flag #5

Forever thankful, we did not remove our shoes.  A look around the living room revealed a home unkempt and full of animal hair and such.

Again my mind said - maybe the room is better. *shakes head* oh poor naive little Rachel.

The basement tenant led us to our room.  As I entered, I realized something quickly.  There were too many red flags.  Ooohh but there was more. 

There on the floor welcoming us to our room was a pile of doggie poo. RED FLAG # 6

I turned to Jordan, jaw dropped and eyes bugged out and whispered, "I CANNOT sleep here!"

Jordan gave an exasperated chuckle and replied very matter of fact, "No you can't, there's a puddle of pee on the bed."

I turned and witnessed the last red flag.  A fresh and bright puddle of pee upon the pillows.

Jordan announced, "We are leaving.  Lets go."

We proceeded to tip toe out of the house with great haste.  Walked as fast as we thought prudent to our car and Jordan tore out of the driveway and away.  Our shock and horror was immense and we couldn't stop laughing.

Now, I know I cannot blame this town called Homer for our experience, and I do not judge it soley on this either. 

It has wonderful resturants, like Duncans, or the Fat olive, and the winery, and beatuiful bishops beach, and amazing views of katchamak bay.  But without going into details, I can say that my affection for this town called Homer is diminished.  Though friends who live there will always be important, this town called Homer has lost its draw.

unattached and adventurous

it's like suddenly i can see a whole new dimension to my life.  Like a mist has lifted from a layer i'd never considered before.  I knew that it existed but i would never allow myself to even go there.  O isn't vague- ary wonderful:)

I'm talking about moving.  I'm talking about setting out on a real adventure! One with security only found in God's provision and eachother.  3 months ago the prospect of moving scared the heck out of me! It made me stressed and sick to my stomach.  I was ruled by fear and anxiety.  Now however..... when i think about Jordan and I packing up and leaving the only home i've ever known, going somewhere totally new, and starting from scratch...job, home, friends, cars, church, everything, I get excited.  I have begun to see it as FUN!  I want to start packing, I want to head out on God's adventure, I want to get in that car or on that plane with confidence and be able to say, yes, we are moving and God is going to bless us as we take this leap of faith!

Who knows! maybe we will find wonderful jobs!  maybe we'll find a place that fits us to a T maybe there are other people just waiting for us to move in and become friends!  Maybe we'll live close to my family, close enough to go visit on the weekends or for dinner.  maybe holidays will be with extended family and not alone.  maybe God has a church with dynamics we can't imagine.  maybe he has a missions connection waiting for us to plug into.  I know the things that could go wrong...there's no gauruntee it'll all go smooth.  but isn't that part of the adventure, overcoming the obstacles?

  I WANT to do this.  I want to leave alaska. i want to give this a whirl.  i want opportunity, i want change,  i want to experience something new.

But the decision is not made - the timing is not yet - and the move may never happen.  This may just be a kick in the pants to help us get up and make a life for ourselves instead of just sitting here waiting for God to make something happen.

for now we wait.... we pray, we seek, we research and we wait.  Either way we expect God to bless us, it's just so exciting!

camping with friends

wrote this back in june after our memorial day camping trip - an incomplete account but still fun.


What a wonderful weekend of camping!!  It was such a needed break and escape for us.

Memorial day spent with Paul and Jess Barton and there wonderful pups Buck and Cabela. 

With an early start leaving the house at 4:30 am we headed to meet up with them and get on the road to beat the traffic.  And we did!  it was a sleepy drive but turned out to be perfect timing.  We showed up in Kenai early and spent 2-3 hrs on the beach.  My favorite camp ground ever, Captain cook/Discovery campground.  Our camping spot was right on the bluff over looking the beach and the ocean.  Just beautiful.  Jess and I built rock towers and got artsy with drift wood and the awesome colored rocks on the beach and made a sun in the sand.  It was so fun to just hang out, no worries of time or schedual, just using our imaginations, enjoying the surf, the sand, and just the pure joy of escape and freedom.

it was fun cooking outside and watching the boys figure out how to hang a tarp to give us a place to be dry since it started raining.  they tied a rope to a rock and were throughing it through the tree branches.  they were oh so ingenious! :)

Insecurity and Uncertainty

So i wrote this back in april and i have been editing my posts so as to not offend people or whatever. but i think alot of people my be able to relate to our lives.  And it's a tool of the enemy to make us think we're alone and no one else experiences what we go through.  so here we go, transparency at a new level!

Life has been in a unsettling balance for us lately.

We're fine, nothing is majorly wrong, just life I guess.

We've spent alot of time thinking that maybe we are supposed to move.  When we stopped and thought about it, it kinda made sense in some practical ways:

we don't have any strong friendships.  oh we have friends..but no true, in your life every week kind of friends.  Thus we feel secluded and lonely sometimes.

We don't have much stuff.  Lets face it the biggest thing we own is our bed.  everything else could fit in 20 boxes...

Alot of our family lives out of state.

we don't have any feeling of purpose here either.  we don't feel that we have anything to work towards.

So why is it such a struggle to decide?  Well, it's scary!!!  moving!! i've never done it, besides Bible college.  But more than that, is our church and the environment we have in it. 

So we've decided to find purpose, to buckle down and try to make this work instead of just quitting cause it looks greener over there.

But the struggle still remains.  It's like we are used to having our hands full and a dream and a goal and now we are just standing here with empty hands and confused looks on our faces with no idea or direction.

And for me, this is dangerous.  because i start dreaming and scheming and planning and decorating. 

fun question thingy from Rachel

Rule #1 The tagged person must write their answers on their blog and replace any questions they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves

Rule #2 The tagee must tag 5 other people to do this quiz and must name who tagged them. Rachel Dargis, my sister inlaw. i seriously don't know if anybody reads this.  so if you are reading this i challenge you to pick a question and answer it with a comment!

1. What is one word that can best be used to describe you? loved.

2. If you could have a dream come true, what would it be? write a book! go to culinary arts school, tour south africa! be a mom

3. What would you do with a billion dollars? tithe, give to missions, go on missions, travel, buy a home, save, invest and help out family.

4. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood? Jordan being goofy, my daddy, prayer/quiet time with God

5. What is your bedtime routine? stay up to late, pjs, brush teeth, drink water, go potty, read, devotions/bible, prayer with jordan.

6. What activities did you do in High School? If you could go back would you do the same, or something different? oh i did drama for 1 semester and i would go back and do it as much as possible. i did basket ball for a year and hated it. aaaaaaaaaaaaand....that's about it.

7. What kind of books do you read? i love science fiction, fantasy, horse books, anything that i can escape too.

8. How do you see yourself in 10 years? a mommy of kiddos, a homeowner, hopefully closer to family

9. What's your favorite piece of clothing you own?i have this awesome tank navy blue and so soft from old navy. i wear it aaalll the time. i should by another color.

10. What kind of skin care do you use? facewash in shower and thats it.

11.What's the first thing you do when you wake up? turn off alarm, go potty and turn on curling iron, then do stretches.

12. If you could have any job, regardless of income, what would it be? something with cooking, teaching, or horses/ranching

13. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be? what an odd thought. i wouldn't change.

14. If you had to choose between 6 months of sun or 6 months of rain, which would you choose? sorry but, duh!

15. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months what would it be? i like bread for answer too rachel! :)

16. What is the thing you enjoy about blogging the most? i really like blogging when my imagination and memories are really going, and then going back and reading it later.

17. Do you prefer salty or sweet foods? sweet!

18. What items are in your purse right now? haha funny question because i  never used to have a purse actually was embarrassed by the mer thought of having one. now i carry waaay to much stuff with me. we won't go to deep in to this rabbit hole.

19. What do you watch on television that you know you shouldn't? well on tv i watch the "create" channel with cooking shows, painting stuff etc. also i'll watch how i met your mother. but mostly i watch friends, the office, and the closer on the internet.

20. What is the best memory you have of the person who tagged you? on her wedding day, i got to be the very last person to send her down the isle making sure her train was right. so special! :)

Remembering Mozambique

If I had to choose my favorite missions trip up to this point it would be Africa.

I've been on a lot of missions trips and that one sticks out the most.  Each trip has held it's treasures and challenges but non quite touch my heart like Africa did.

I took that trip alone.  With my parents in total agreement and at peace, myself scared but excited and determined to do it.  Of course I came to the end of myself so many times during that month I really learned a thing or two about independance.

Africa taught me how to live a life slowly and purposefully.  And in that slower living, to hear the loud and powerful voice of God and the moving of His spirit.  I learned what it's like to be knit together with a perfect stranger like family during a month, and still feel that threads that bind you years later.  I learned the overwhelming joy of giving a little boy with aids a special day where he was the one picked and spoiled and loved.  I'll never forget knowing in my heart that something was wrong a week before I learned that little boy, Tino. Had passed away.  I learned the incredible capacity that we as humans have to love and to find joy in the midst of the most horrific circumstances.  I learned that holding a little kid with only rags on covered in the filth that is just part of their home in the dump, isn't gross.  But rather, I wanted to kiss each one and hug them for hours.

I learned how deeply a person can be moved by just witnessing another person's love for a stranger.  I could go on and on.  I just felt the need to revisit the way that trip made me feel.  Let me show you with a few pictures.  I wish I could tell the whole story. . .

Church was incredible - I got to play a song I wrote.










Me and my friend Emily ------------->

 Me and my bud Sam

Some of the boys hanging out!

Again with Sam







My little Tino - ------------->

A Quarter of a Century!

Wednesday will be my 25th birthday!!  Whew!!  most often i don't feel my age.  but some days i do.  those are the days i'm; paying bills, worrying, exhausted, trying to plan for the future, cleaning the house. :)  you know, grown up things.

but at the same time, i feel that I've really done some good growing up this past year.  i feel more comfortable in myself, and with the fact that i'm growing up.  yes i still get fears of, ohhh am i waiting to long to start having kids???  Will we ever be able to put money in our savings?  what jobs will we have in the future? will we get to buy a house?  what kind of vehicle will we get when we do start a family?  ....where is my cell phone? hahaha i can hear it ringing but have no idea where it is..hahah that's random.

anyways. 25 years, a quarter of a century.  how to ring it in?

well Jordan and i started on Saturday! :) birthday WEEK i guess :)  we went and watched RANGO in theaters. fun to go to the movies and an entertaining flick.

(fun fact, 9 times out of 10 if we are going to the theater, it's for a cartoon)

then we went shopping!!! Kohls - got 3 shirts for me, then old navy - 3 shirts for jordan, a tank and a pair of pants for work for me, pac sun had an awesome dark green spring jacket on sale for $15 that i loved and got! then to jc penny, i'm very proud of this one.  a $40 pair of pants and a $20 shirt...for......drum roll!! $22!! i love coupons and helpful checkout folks :)

then we went to Barnes and noble to kill time before our dinner reservations.  Jordan went in to paroose while i stayed in the car and read my newest dragon book!! part of a series. NERD there i said it.  i LOVE fantasy books that involve dragons, and mystical lands, new worlds, odd creatures, adventures. i dunno why i just love it :)

Sooo then we had dinner at Sullivan's steak house - courtesy of jake.

we had to wait maybe 10 min for our table, enjoying the live jazz band in the adjacent bar as we waited. SO COOL!  then we were seated.  the only thing i didn't enjoy was the scantily short skirts all the girls wore. NO BENDING OVER!!

Jordan was ecstatic when i said he could get the 24 oz porter house.  i got an absolutely amazing flaminyon. how do you spell that.. ugh. we ordered mashed potatoes and mac and cheese. ya i know mac and cheese at an upscale restaurant?  what!! that's what i said. but we ended up fighting over it. sooooooo unbelievably good!!  the meal was great, there were interesting and slightly drunk people to watch to entertain between convos. we had alot of fun and loved the food. :)

Jordan and i really had a fun day.  Wednesday will be my birthday, the evening will include amazing pie from Northstar bakery and delicious ice cream from matanuska creamery!! can't wait :)

now i just have to get back in the gym!

St. Patty's Day in Dublin

Overwhelming...that's how I'd discribe my St. Patty's Day in Dublin.

Over half a million people packed into downtown dublin to see the parade and to party. I'd say 80% were smoking and a large percentage were drunk before dinner.  We all were just exhausted from getting up at 4am to get to dublin.  that plus trying to stay together and do some souvenir shopping was just stressful!  

One of my favorite parts of the experience was this guy who was doing a twist on the human statue thing.  Instead of being painted like a statue he had dressed up and did his hair so that it looked like he was walking into the wind, while standing still.  He was soooo impressive! I stood there just amazed and watched.  Whenever people put money in his jar he'd suddenly look at them.  sooo impressive!  I should have got a video but i was just too in awe.

Getting a ride via bus system back to the hotel was a trick.  thousands trying to get out of downtown and trying to get our whole group on a bus, we had to wait for 3 buses before we got on, and even the one we got on was packed.  Jordan had to blockout to keep a group of guys from cutting in front of us.

getting back to the hotel was an answer to prayer for me.   I was sooo tired and just needed to relax.  Jeremy had unknowingly booked  a hotel near the airport but also in the Dublin "ghetto" so we stayed in the hotel and the kids in their rooms.  I reveled in my first real, long, hot shower since we got there and then all of the leaders had dessert and hung out until bedtime.  I was the first to  bed and apparently i demanded "WHO GOES THERE!" in my sleep upon my roomies coming to bed. :)  

All in all i was so ready and happy to go home.  I woke up friday feeling rested and ready for the epic trip back home.  Feeling way better but not quite 100%.  The flights back seemed to go quicker, or maybe i was just way more exhuasted and was able to sleep more on the flights.  The trip back was thankfully quiet uneventful  other than me getting a halarious mix of exhuastion and hyperness that resulted in everyone's great entertainment.  It's a bummer i hadn't been feeling better the whole trip. 

But all in all - God used us greatly.  We were able to touch lives.  we've had word that the baker, Steven is really searching and askign questions about God.  We were able to bless both the churches financially.  We were told that we were one of the best missions teams that had visited those churches.  I know that this was a challenge and a great growth opportunity for Jordan and I.  We are so glad we were able to go and able to bond with the other leaders and kids on the trip.  We are soo glad we got to go!

Wednesday in Ireland recap

Wednesday was a day spent in prayer for the numerous counties of Ireland and then Wednesday night we split into 2 groups and went to the 2 different home churches. Our group went to the Castle bar home church in the pastor's home.  it was fun to get to know some of the church members.  It was tough since we were all just whooped.  We had 3 of the girls give short testimonies.  it was an awesome opportunity for them.  Most of our crew had never given a testimony in front of a group before.  It was awesome opportunities for both the groups.

2 of the things that really stuck with me from wed night was firstly, a picture/word that the castlebar church's secratary shared with us.  She said that we were the pebbles that fell into a clear glass surfaced lake and we began a ripple effect.  it was really encouraging to me because i had been asking God what my purpose was in being on that trip.  And through her word for us really made me realize that even the smallest act, smile, word, or encouragement can start the change in someone's life.

the other thing was talkign with this Irish guy that was there.  i learned that not only do Irish people have gift of gab or "swallowed/kissed the blarney stone", but they disregard personal space.  They have a tendancy to get really close to you when they talk.  It was hysterical actually for me. :)  another odd thing has been that alot of the people we meet aren't actually Irish.  many are immigrants that have moved to ireland from all kinds of places.  It was very interesting.

Ireland - Day....8?

Last night we where invited by a young couple to their home for dinner.  This past Sunday was their first at the  Westport church and they were excited to have us over.  all 16 of us!!!  Jenna is the sweetest most outgoing woman and her husband steven is a FABULOUS baker we found out, they also have a son named Lewis and a daughter named Imogen.  they moved here from england so they could live in the country and have a farm.  they had pigs and cows and chickens and we ate their produce!!  Their home was humble and they definately were not rich monetarily.  but they were so genuinely excited to have us over and to feed us and send the leftovers home with us.  Steven had been baking all day and we had incredible beer bread, chocolate cake, mincemeat pie, apple toffee cake and all sorts of yummy stuff.  we were all sooo impressed by the food.  and on the way home we got to talking about how we wish we could be more like them.  not worrying about the state of our home or how meager our offerings are, but instead welcoming people in with genuine excitement and the desire to bless.  Even in my sickly state i was able to gleen from those incredible people.  I truly hope God blesses them greatly.

today we did some more street ministry and prayer and tonight off to home church.  tonight a majority of the kids will give their testimonies and are nervious.  i'm excited to see them step out of their comfort zones a bit more.

then tomorrow extrememly early we head to Dublin to see the sights before the craziness of St. Patricks day erupts.  This is a major holiday and rightfully so, 4 day weekend nationally!  We are hoping to find jordan a neat coat.  we spend a few hours today looking for one, but he's a big guy even here!

Don't get sick in Ireland.

Ireland is a neat place. It's green, really green. Ireland is beautiful, even in the almost constant rain. It brings out this urge in me to swing a sword and flail a mace. To raise my shield to my enemies and bring down my doom to cleave them asunder. Until I start throwing up. Day 1 started out great, I helped Jeremy Cotton navigate out to Castlebar were we set up camp. The next day I woke up feeling just great, I ate a bowl of oatmeal and a banana. About an hour later I lost the bowl of oatmeal and banana. I spent most of my second day in Ireland either on the toilet or passed out. Much to wife's discontent I did almost nothing with our group except a small walk around town, after which I promptly returned to the comfort of my porcelain throne and my sleeping bag. As I lay looking up at the ceiling I began to recall the tropical countries I have been to. Specifically the ones that people had given me horror story after horror story of horrendous food with debilitating aftereffects. I have enjoyed my share of that food on missions trips but without any of the problems. Now here I was laying in Ireland dealing with those problems that I had avoided. While this was not a food related sickness I have vowed for the foreseeable future to not eat oatmeal or fish and chips. I had this same problem when I was about 13 and I got the flu right after eating chinese food. I didn't touch the stuff for about 6 months.
But now I feel healthy again. Thanks to my wonderfully designed immune system and the prayers of so many I find myself riding through the Irish country side praying for people and day dreaming about living in castles while fighting off roving hordes of orks and such. I recommend that everybody visit Ireland. But leave the flu at home.

Ireland - Day 5

Today - MOnday

We went to Ashford Castle near the town of Cong.  The castle was huge!!! It's a functioning hotel so we only got to see bits of it inside but the outside was amazing and such extensive grounds!!!  just absolutley amazing views and gardens.  Jordan and I went exploring with Celena and Chrystal and it was just a ball.  there was all sorts of walks and sitting gardens that i could just picture elizabeth bennette walking down.  or us all dressed up in hoop skirts and taking a stroll with our betroths! :)  it was a bawl!!  IT reminded me alot of the biltmore estate.  although the actual building was more impressive at biltmore, the grounds were better at AShford.  they had a falcony school that we got to see from a far.  so we got to see all sorts of sights, the and the town of cong all where the john wayne movie "Quiet Man" was filmed.  I'll have to go home and watch it now so i can say, i've been there and there!

Well the climate here is so damp and i've been chilled repeatedly and last night it got to me.  i've been struggling with a bad cold today.  but i was still able to enjoy the day.  God is so faithful and my husband is so caring.  He takes just incredible care of me.

We've been hanging out with chrystal and celena (the twins) alot and we've really enjoyed them.  the 2 both have incredible voices and they know ALL the disney songs and will sing them in unison and in harmony and ti's just a ball!  we've been having a blast with them. 

it's been such a challenge for me being with so many girls!!  it hasn't been since college that i've been around so many girls!!  it is quite humorous how foriegn their behavior is to me.  But they are all sweet and still young. :) 

I've been keeping a good journal so that i can be prepared the next time we come here and for tips for anyone esle coming over.  there are so many unique things about this place.  the houses and archetecture are just amazing. everything is either brick or concrete and they keep all buildings and homes quite chilly due to utilities cost.  but they make up for it with keeping shoes on and lots of tea and coffee.  the people here are incredibly sweet and so talkative!  As pator PEter said, the Irish talk in a spiral/circle eventually getting to the point.  So conversations are entertaining to say the least.  everyone is so warm and welcoming and they say "lovely" and "brilliant" all the time. 

this trip has been quite different in comparison to any other missions trip i've been on.  i really feel that God has used this trip alot as gifts to us and opening us up to experiences and such.  the trip has definately had its challenges but there have been so many moments that i just burst with happiness.  Jordan too has been so happy here.  He's been laughing all the time and joking and just enjoying himself and everyone around.  I hadn't realized how hard his job is on him and how it can suck the fun out of him.  it's so refreshing to see and hear him laugh and enjoy himself.  again, an incredible gift from God.

We are about 1/2 way through the trip, and we are blessed.  Pray for me to get better and for Holly as well.  We are both struggling with colds.  Thanks for all the support and prayers!!

Ireland - Day 3

Yesterday, Saturday, we got to take part in a ocean water baptism.  It was such an amazing setting.   Just at the foot of Crough Patrick - a famous mountain that St. Patrick climbed to fast and pray for the salvation of Ireland - on a beautiful beach with the mountains behind and the beautiful sea in front.  About 30-40 people came and 4 people - 2 couples - were being baptized.  They were given the opportunity to give a short testimony before hand and they blew me away.  This church is so young and full of new christians.  it blew me away to hear their testimonies, even in short.  they kept talking about how being baptized really was burying their old selves and coming up new, with a new hope and new life.  just amazing and humbling to take part in.

i led a few worship songs from guitar and just as we were finishing the sun burst through the clouds and warmed us all up.  it really felt like God's glory showed up to revel in what was happening.  it was just awesome!  

today was sunday and a great day.  We had lunch at a pub with a wonderful lunch special - roast beef, mashed potatoes, the worlds best gravy, broccoli in a cream sauce, and fries!!  it was absolutely delicious.  the pub atmosphere (no drunks at that time so we were good :) ) was so amazing.  dark red and earth tones and amazing wood on the walls and ceiling, and the comfy booths and rugby on the teli.  it was so relaxing and wonderful. then on the walk back to the church we stopped a corner sweet shop and gift shop near the church.  they had about 100 containers of all sorts of candy!!!  it was anything you can think of, raspberry fizzies, bon bons licorice, suckers, just anything!! i really felt like i was in willy wonkas!!  the shop owners were great too.  then i found a just beautiful scarf for my souvinier.  it was just a gift from God.  I've been so tired and out of sorts because of it, that i really needed the pick me up and God provided these wonderful expereinces.

we did the worship service today and it was so fun.  it was so great to provide the type of worship we bring to folks who don't get it very often.  they were all so kind and excited.  it's been so long since i last played or sang, my fingers still hurt and my throat has been hurting all day.  so i'm hoping a good sleep will bring me back.

i've been so proud of our team.  the first few days were a struggle but they all are such incredible kids.  Chrystal and Celena today on the drive sang all sorts of disney songs, they knew all the words and they'd harmonize and sing stereo!! it was such a ball!

tomorrow we are going to visit a castle so looking forward to that and then tomorrow night we help with a kids night so that should be really fun!!  Love you all!

- Rachel

Ireland - day 1

it's been a wet and cold but incredible trip already!  of course the whole getting here portion was an incredible challenge.  but we made it.  the only bummer thing is jordan came down with something and has spent most of the 1st day in bed or in the bathroom with some flu bug which i am praying and believing will only be a 24 hr fluke.

today we got to go for a long scenic drive that ended at an incredible overlook from a high point. we got to enjoy the rain and wind as we looked along the coastline and through the misty clouds to the moutains and landscape.  it was just beautiful!!  what an incredible place this country is!  we also spent a few hours walking around the town we are staying in - castle bar and got to experience it.

the 1st 8 things i'll remember!

1. the first smell we met upon exiting the airport - the first smell of ireland was..... manure. aha! yep tons of livestock, cows and sheep and horses EVERYWHERE!!

2. daffodils growing all along the roadsides!

3. we saw 2 rainbows on our drive!

4. driving is completely opposite here.  even the fast lane.  it's been an adventure watching the guys adjust to it all!

5. layers are a must, i packed wrong.  tshirts just won't do. everyone keeps their homes cool because utilities are sooooo expensive!

6. gas is 1.45 euro a liter. there is 4 liters to a gallon and about 1 1/2 dollars to the euro.  soo...what's the math on that.. GULP

7. the people are amazing! they hug and kiss you (the older ladies), they say "lovely" alot

8. st. patty's day is a national holiday - school is out! cool!

it's been fun, the kids tonight asked why we came here. they can't understand it.  but they, just like us, probably can tend to take their home for granted.  this is an amazing place!  loving it already.  just wish my hubby was well and i had water proof shoes and a few more hoodies :)  but God isgood and we are soo blessed!! like i told pastor peter today, i don't care what the weather is doing, i am in ireland!

Drama shoes brought :

So the past month or so I have been on an exhaustive and disheartening hunt.  My hopes would rise at a new prospect only to be dashed down again.  Failure after failure.  Even online shopping was proving futile!  I found a pair I thought I wanted but had never tried that brand before.  So I was hesitant.  I’m talking about my great shoe hunt.   I have a reoccurring struggle.  Since I wear my work shoes everyday they have a track record of wearing out in 4-6 months, if I’m lucky. 

My first mistake is buying the same brand over and over, only to have to buy another pair.  I now loath this brand that shall remain nameless.  So I scoured the valley and anchorage stores only to get even more disappointed. 

I decided to ask God to be on the lookout and to help me find a good deal, we’ve been trying to save as much as we can for Ireland.  So in the meantime my shoes I wear currently have begun to omit a slight order after a game of hacky sack or on my way home… yuck :P and have been stretched out so much they are too big, oh and the color is coming off.  Grrrrr

So today, the day we leave for Ireland, I decided to check the valley stores one more time in hopes of finding shoes for work and to wear in Ireland. Again I met with failure.  Then I decided, “okay God, I’m gonna go to Freddie’s and check.  And if there’s nothing there, I trust you to help me find shoes in Ireland.”  So I went in, not expecting much but with a little bit of hope.  I ended my search in the clearance department and was just about to give up when I caught a glimpse of these shoes.  Now I’m not one to find glory in a pair of shoes.  But these were just right.  They are a little euro looking but fit well and were on sale plus an extra 40% off! Whoot!!  I tried them on, walked around and began to thank God.  They are nothing fancy, and I will have to invest in some nice black work shoes pretty quick as well.  But these are an answer to prayer. 

See, it’s not about the shoes really.  It’s about being cared for and how God cares about these little details.  He knew I was frustrated and that I needed His help.  I choose to give God the credit for saving this pair of shoes; none like it were left, just for me.  I choose to praise God for caring about what I wear just as he cares about the sparrows.  Our God is so big and so great we often think that He doesn’t orchestrate such little seemingly silly things in our lives.  But He loves me and He wanted to bless my heart today.  I love my God. J 

So even if these shoes don’t work out, even if I end up having to return them(which I doubt), I will not forget how much God loves and provides for me.

He’s done it before.  I was a BROKE college student in Canada, homesick, sad, and needing a little pick me up.  “I want chocolate.”  I sighed.  Not 5 minutes later I found a chocolate bar in my coat pocket.  I sat down with a shocked yet choked deep breath.  It wasn’t the chocolate that comforted me, it was my God’s attention and love that caused me to leave that chocolate bar and forget about it only to find it just then.  My examples of God showing me He’s listening may seem small, but they mean that much more because they are so small.

This a great thing for me to think about as I get ready to set out to Ireland on this missions trip, a reminder that God has a great desire to take care of all the little details.  He LOVES to surprise us and show us He cares.  I can’t wait to see what He has in store for us. 

March in Spring and Only Good Things!

March's in my memory have been full.

Both my brother Luke and I have Birthdays, his on the 2^nd mine on the 30^th.

4 years ago my Grandpa passed away on the 1^st. 

Luke and Rachel got married on the 3^rd of that same year.

And I’ve had the opportunity to go on missions trips, due to spring break.  Mexico and now Ireland!

It’s so hard to believe that Ireland awaits us, only 8 days away.  It seems a dream at this point, hard to believe we’ll get to go to this country that brings up rich and wonderful expectations in me.  I can’t wait to see the countryside, fields full of sheep, stone walls, crashing oceans, windblown cliffs, maybe a real life castle ruin, to see the cobblestone streets of Dublin.  Even to experience the wind and rain, I want to feel what Ireland is like.  And I’m hoping I can get a taste of that in our short time there. 

I’ve just finished reading a book all about different parts of Ireland and the history and myths of this culturally rich country.  It seems a culture that thrives on storytelling.  Though we won’t be visiting the local pubs for a pint on our mission’s trip, I hope we can still get a taste of what it’s like to sit around swapping stories.

In other news!  I am just longing for spring!  This winter has been just horrid, especially following up after our summer of record rain.  4 big wind storms, 2 of which were hurricane force I’ve heard, one ice rain storm that stranded us at home due to roads or should I say ice trails.  I’ve never had a winter effect me so much as far as darkness goes either.  So yes… I am READY FOR SPRING!!

So, to hurry it along and to lift my spirits, I have planted an indoor herb garden!  I went out and bought little pots and paint and personalize and gave them each a personality.  Rosemary, basil, cilantro, and lavender!  They probably won’t pop up until April, but I am expectant.  Although I’ve just realized I will have to leave them to the care of my brother while we are gone. *cringes* Lord willing I won’t have to start from scratch J

I remember growing up in Big Lake spring (or break up as we called it) was a time of exploring and much anticipated hours on end of outdoors!  We would always get GIANT puddles on the roads around our house and we usually each had a pair of rubber boots.  I remember being able to venture into the deep puddles and feel the water push my boots tight to my thighs and the shock of freezing water when I got a little too greedy for the deepest parts of the puddle.  We would go tromping through the puddles before all the ice had melted.  We would create dams, throw rocks to see the splash and even shovel snow into the water to make it melt quicker.  Spring could never come soon enough!  Running through the woods wearing sneakers because we refused to acknowledge the clumps of snow that still hung on.  The glorious mudd pies we could create and pretend to dine upon.  Getting to run around with only a sweater or light jacket on was a thrill!  And of course the ever lengthening light that let us play longer into the evenings. 

Isn’t spring a wonderful thing?  I know that now (Almost 25 yikes!) I tend to forget that wonder and thrill and focus more on the ugly brown everywhere and that it’s still cold! Why is it that I can remember the different seasons when I was a kid better than I can now?  I can remember the way the air smelled those break up days playing in puddles and the way my fingers and hands would tingle when they got too cold.  I can’t remember much about last spring’s weather.  Granted I was distracted with being a new wife, but still!  I hope that this year I can really embrace the seasons and try to enjoy each in its turn.  I can’t wait to see the flowers bloom!  And the grass pop up fresh and green!  And that first drive through the s curves on Fairview with the wind blowing through the green leaves and the smell of summer coming in my open windows. 

But for now I will embrace the cold and look forward to this incredible experience waiting for us just across the pond!  Oh, did I mention, we’ll be in Dublin for St. Patrick’s Day!  What an experience!  I cannot wait! J

The Epic Tale of the Muskrat

So the Thursday before Valentines Day, I was in the kitchen baking desserts for our V-Day fundraiser dinner.  When what do I hear, scurrying and scratching coming from??? I thought perhaps the living room or room under the stairs.  So I had Jake set mouse traps all around.

Friday evening I went down to the crawlspace to find an old apron from my waitress job to use at the dinner while waiting tables.  So as I am digging through a box of old clothes I hear a russling on the plastic floor behind me.  I freeze and then slowly turn.  There slowly sneaking is a varmit of some kind.  I slowly start freaking out, barely avoiding a scream until I get up the ladder to the main floor of the house.  Where I proceed to excitedly tell Jordan what I just saw.

"It was the size of a CAT! I think it's a marmot!"

Jake's 2 cents were to laugh hysterically and "Well, those mouse traps won't do any good!"

Jordan was amused but my ever hero, he went and got a pair of work gloves and Jake got a buoy knife.

Down into the crawlspace they went with my words following them, "If that thing is in my box....UGH!"

Shortly I hear from Jordan down in the hole.  "Oh, look.  There he is, in the box."

Bah!!  So Jordan tried to fish it out of the box only to have to throw it down when it went to bite him.  Jordan could tell by the tail that it was a muskrat.

As it took off running behind a board Jordan went right after it and with quick grab, nabbed the little bugger.

Jake had a pillow case handy and Jordan threw it in.  All in about 3 minutes.  The boys dealt out a somewhat swift execution that I was forced to witness, to my shrieking dislike.  Weapons of choice? Tomahawk and buoy knife wielded by Jake, sushi chef style, as Jordan held the pillowcase against a tree.

So how did it the little creature get in? through the air to air exchange tube, which it eventually had to chew through, landing it in our crawlspace.  Which we later figured he stayed for a few days up to a week.  It must have been pretty close to starvation and desperate when we found him.  We found that it had shredded the insulation all around the foundation road.  Ugh.  So now we have a few repairs to take care of.  And one less house guest.

Thank God for my two brave men :)