Insecurity and Uncertainty

So i wrote this back in april and i have been editing my posts so as to not offend people or whatever. but i think alot of people my be able to relate to our lives.  And it's a tool of the enemy to make us think we're alone and no one else experiences what we go through.  so here we go, transparency at a new level!

Life has been in a unsettling balance for us lately.

We're fine, nothing is majorly wrong, just life I guess.

We've spent alot of time thinking that maybe we are supposed to move.  When we stopped and thought about it, it kinda made sense in some practical ways:

we don't have any strong friendships.  oh we have friends..but no true, in your life every week kind of friends.  Thus we feel secluded and lonely sometimes.

We don't have much stuff.  Lets face it the biggest thing we own is our bed.  everything else could fit in 20 boxes...

Alot of our family lives out of state.

we don't have any feeling of purpose here either.  we don't feel that we have anything to work towards.

So why is it such a struggle to decide?  Well, it's scary!!!  moving!! i've never done it, besides Bible college.  But more than that, is our church and the environment we have in it. 

So we've decided to find purpose, to buckle down and try to make this work instead of just quitting cause it looks greener over there.

But the struggle still remains.  It's like we are used to having our hands full and a dream and a goal and now we are just standing here with empty hands and confused looks on our faces with no idea or direction.

And for me, this is dangerous.  because i start dreaming and scheming and planning and decorating.