A Season of Bigger Sizes

7/31/2016
11:41 PM

I never realized how skinny I was until I had a baby. I had carried around an extra 10-20 lbs after getting married and had been frustrated. But after having a baby and fighting tooth and nail for any lb lost, it became a consuming struggle. 

After moving to ND I began to seek to lose weight in earnest. For about 6 months I was at the gym at least 3-4 days a week and really watching what I ate. I lost maybe 3 lbs. Then we got pregnant again and I didn't gain that much weight really. But I find myself back to that same struggle of weighing more and embracing myself less. 

I now am at the heaviest I've ever been not pregnant or immediately following. I know I'm only 2 months post baby. But my weight has plateaued. And in the past that is a sign of little movement to come.

The struggle is real. I am always hungry with nursing. And I can eat a ton in one sitting. But I don't often have time to make a salad or a healthy option. Between caring for Gwen and nursing and being there for Nora and trying to keep house.... Ok I need to give myself grace, i'm still figuring this all out.

What I really want to write about is the freedom to allow myself to have a "big season". I'm not saying a license to be overweight. But the freedom to not kill myself over it. I am in a season, much like a lot of moms I know, of having priorities that may not include the gym in the top 5. Therefore it may take me awhile to regain the slimmer figure I desire.

Easier said than done... For sure. Even as I write this a voice calls me out for making excuses. And though they are excuses, they may just help me stay sane.  I get overwhelmed easy this time around and too much on my plate makes me feel like I'm drowning. So I will focus on other things and try not to let my tight clothes make me hate my body. No I will choose to focus on the important things, try to correct my eating and trust that soon I will have the room in my life to focus more on regaining my body.