unattached and adventurous

it's like suddenly i can see a whole new dimension to my life.  Like a mist has lifted from a layer i'd never considered before.  I knew that it existed but i would never allow myself to even go there.  O isn't vague- ary wonderful:)

I'm talking about moving.  I'm talking about setting out on a real adventure! One with security only found in God's provision and eachother.  3 months ago the prospect of moving scared the heck out of me! It made me stressed and sick to my stomach.  I was ruled by fear and anxiety.  Now however..... when i think about Jordan and I packing up and leaving the only home i've ever known, going somewhere totally new, and starting from scratch...job, home, friends, cars, church, everything, I get excited.  I have begun to see it as FUN!  I want to start packing, I want to head out on God's adventure, I want to get in that car or on that plane with confidence and be able to say, yes, we are moving and God is going to bless us as we take this leap of faith!

Who knows! maybe we will find wonderful jobs!  maybe we'll find a place that fits us to a T maybe there are other people just waiting for us to move in and become friends!  Maybe we'll live close to my family, close enough to go visit on the weekends or for dinner.  maybe holidays will be with extended family and not alone.  maybe God has a church with dynamics we can't imagine.  maybe he has a missions connection waiting for us to plug into.  I know the things that could go wrong...there's no gauruntee it'll all go smooth.  but isn't that part of the adventure, overcoming the obstacles?

  I WANT to do this.  I want to leave alaska. i want to give this a whirl.  i want opportunity, i want change,  i want to experience something new.

But the decision is not made - the timing is not yet - and the move may never happen.  This may just be a kick in the pants to help us get up and make a life for ourselves instead of just sitting here waiting for God to make something happen.

for now we wait.... we pray, we seek, we research and we wait.  Either way we expect God to bless us, it's just so exciting!

camping with friends

wrote this back in june after our memorial day camping trip - an incomplete account but still fun.


What a wonderful weekend of camping!!  It was such a needed break and escape for us.

Memorial day spent with Paul and Jess Barton and there wonderful pups Buck and Cabela. 

With an early start leaving the house at 4:30 am we headed to meet up with them and get on the road to beat the traffic.  And we did!  it was a sleepy drive but turned out to be perfect timing.  We showed up in Kenai early and spent 2-3 hrs on the beach.  My favorite camp ground ever, Captain cook/Discovery campground.  Our camping spot was right on the bluff over looking the beach and the ocean.  Just beautiful.  Jess and I built rock towers and got artsy with drift wood and the awesome colored rocks on the beach and made a sun in the sand.  It was so fun to just hang out, no worries of time or schedual, just using our imaginations, enjoying the surf, the sand, and just the pure joy of escape and freedom.

it was fun cooking outside and watching the boys figure out how to hang a tarp to give us a place to be dry since it started raining.  they tied a rope to a rock and were throughing it through the tree branches.  they were oh so ingenious! :)

Insecurity and Uncertainty

So i wrote this back in april and i have been editing my posts so as to not offend people or whatever. but i think alot of people my be able to relate to our lives.  And it's a tool of the enemy to make us think we're alone and no one else experiences what we go through.  so here we go, transparency at a new level!

Life has been in a unsettling balance for us lately.

We're fine, nothing is majorly wrong, just life I guess.

We've spent alot of time thinking that maybe we are supposed to move.  When we stopped and thought about it, it kinda made sense in some practical ways:

we don't have any strong friendships.  oh we have friends..but no true, in your life every week kind of friends.  Thus we feel secluded and lonely sometimes.

We don't have much stuff.  Lets face it the biggest thing we own is our bed.  everything else could fit in 20 boxes...

Alot of our family lives out of state.

we don't have any feeling of purpose here either.  we don't feel that we have anything to work towards.

So why is it such a struggle to decide?  Well, it's scary!!!  moving!! i've never done it, besides Bible college.  But more than that, is our church and the environment we have in it. 

So we've decided to find purpose, to buckle down and try to make this work instead of just quitting cause it looks greener over there.

But the struggle still remains.  It's like we are used to having our hands full and a dream and a goal and now we are just standing here with empty hands and confused looks on our faces with no idea or direction.

And for me, this is dangerous.  because i start dreaming and scheming and planning and decorating.