My Heart IS a fickle thing...
The road has been so twisting, the constant I have found is uncertainty in all but my God. I search for ways to make me smile and forget the stress and worries i heap on myself. Some things I've found:
walking with Jordan
my family
joking at work
reading books
funny tv shows like New Girl - the lastest episode almost made me choke from laughing! (There is Carp in my dress!)
and yesterday i found this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=1G4isv_Fylg
and yesterday, i went to church exhausted from a long dissapointing search for a place to live. It took me 3 or 4 songs to finally decide, no matter how sad and dissapointed i am, God is still good, God is still faithful and I will find something to praise Him for. Worship got really sweet after that, and the knot in my throat loosened and i didn't cry anymore.
we found out thursday that we have to find a new place to live by april 1. the next day jordan got 2 job opportunities and we found the first apt that may work. since then i have felt on the cusp of relief, to be on the other side of this....struggle, stressfest, desert.
God promised me a week ago that "I will bring you to your knees with my kindness." what an amazing promise right! just stunned me! But me in my human mind translated that into what i wanted: the perfect home for cheap, the perfect job for jordan, all my wishes come true. so you can imagine with those expectations yesterday's hunt was hard on me. especially when we drove into a condo-plex that i really like and saw a family moving out, my heart soared! This is it!! jordan went over and asked abotu the place, i called the landlady who was tickled i called. but my heart fell when she told me the rent. so far beyond our reach..."where are you God? this was your chance!"
oh rachel rachel rachel.... it wasn't until i got to that 5th or 6th song at church that i realized what i had done. God's kindness doesn't fit inside my expectations. His kindness could come from sooo many places. Maybe it will come in me learning how to let go and let God. Maybe it will come in a dog! :) Or starting a family, or family moving closer, or a friend, or a deeper relationship with jordan. Maybe it will come in supernatural peace, maybe in rama word from God, maybe a sweeter relationship with Him. How can i think I know what His kindness should look like? All i know is that i am holding on to His promise of kindness, and I WILL be thankful for whatever home He gives us. whether the place has bright orange counter tops, or carpet in the batroom and kitchen. I will be thankful! and i will try to train my fickle heart.
family
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Saturday, March 10, 2012
30 all important things i need to mention...
15 Things I Miss About Alaska:
1. A dark quiet winter night after a big snow, when the stars and moon highlight the snow covered trees.
2. The way the air always smells so clean and fresh
3. Staying up really late in the summer to sit outside in the daylight and enjoy the views
4. The way the sunrise/sunsets color the mountains
5. The northern lights
6. Painting and craft days with my girlfriends!
7. Our youth group and the awesome leadership team
8. Going for walks in my old neighborhood
9. Not being able to see in your neighbor's windows
10. Going to see the twins perform in plays
11. My old co-workers, nat and the mikes :)
12. Hatchers pass
13. the field Jordan proposed in
14. Driving down fairview loop really fast (but never over the speed limit)
15. Knowing all the backroads
15 Things I like about Colorado:
1. There are still beautiful mountains that the sun colors and shadows
2. Our church - spiritually challenging!
3. The young married group we've joined
4. Family is closer, and may be getting even closer!
5. Sharing this adventure with Jordan
6. Driving 75 mph on the interstate
7. My co-workers - they are a hoot!
8. My job
9. Thrift stores are waaaay better here!
10. It's sunny here almost all the time! :)
11. 70 degrees in february and march!
12. Birds that sing outside my window everyday
13. Flights don't take near as long!
14. Discovering new resturants
15. God has promised good things and a new life here!
I sincerely miss my roots, my hometown, my friends who became family, and actual family still up there! I've been thinking of you all and everything i miss lately and wanted to mention it. But also want to mention, that no matter how difficult this move has been. No matter how stressed and worried we get, I still KNOW that God has brought us here. He called us to move and to put faith in Him. And now we await. We await His kindness, His provision, and His plan for us. No matter how much I miss you all and my home, I remember that this world is not my home, this is not my life, it's all His. All I can do is find the things He's given to be thankful for and trust in His goodness.
I love and miss you Alaska and company!
I am coming to love you Colorado.
God I love you more than everything, thank you for this adventure. Show me your glory!
1. A dark quiet winter night after a big snow, when the stars and moon highlight the snow covered trees.
2. The way the air always smells so clean and fresh
3. Staying up really late in the summer to sit outside in the daylight and enjoy the views
4. The way the sunrise/sunsets color the mountains
5. The northern lights
6. Painting and craft days with my girlfriends!
7. Our youth group and the awesome leadership team
8. Going for walks in my old neighborhood
9. Not being able to see in your neighbor's windows
10. Going to see the twins perform in plays
11. My old co-workers, nat and the mikes :)
12. Hatchers pass
13. the field Jordan proposed in
14. Driving down fairview loop really fast (but never over the speed limit)
15. Knowing all the backroads
15 Things I like about Colorado:
1. There are still beautiful mountains that the sun colors and shadows
2. Our church - spiritually challenging!
3. The young married group we've joined
4. Family is closer, and may be getting even closer!
5. Sharing this adventure with Jordan
6. Driving 75 mph on the interstate
7. My co-workers - they are a hoot!
8. My job
9. Thrift stores are waaaay better here!
10. It's sunny here almost all the time! :)
11. 70 degrees in february and march!
12. Birds that sing outside my window everyday
13. Flights don't take near as long!
14. Discovering new resturants
15. God has promised good things and a new life here!
I sincerely miss my roots, my hometown, my friends who became family, and actual family still up there! I've been thinking of you all and everything i miss lately and wanted to mention it. But also want to mention, that no matter how difficult this move has been. No matter how stressed and worried we get, I still KNOW that God has brought us here. He called us to move and to put faith in Him. And now we await. We await His kindness, His provision, and His plan for us. No matter how much I miss you all and my home, I remember that this world is not my home, this is not my life, it's all His. All I can do is find the things He's given to be thankful for and trust in His goodness.
I love and miss you Alaska and company!
I am coming to love you Colorado.
God I love you more than everything, thank you for this adventure. Show me your glory!
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