grief

I don't claim to be an expert on grief.  I don't have all the answers or the right words to say in those times of loss and crushing pain.

But I have walked through it myself and with friends.

The tragic death of a teens mother and the unknowing if she was saved.
The death of 3 of my grandparents and watching my parents walking through it.  Both sudden and anticipated passings.
My father-in-law and the layers of grief my in-laws, husband, my daughter and I go through.
Friends of friends.
Children of friends.
Tragic sudden deaths and longer, sometimes painful deaths that we knew were coming.

In each situation I always go back to that first one I listed.

It was when I was in college and I was the youth leader of this sweet and tender hearted teen.

Through that excruciating and impossible situation I learned  so much about grief and the importance of it.

We are mortal, we all will die.  If we are saved by the one true savior, we need not fear death and what comes next.  But that does not automatically make it easier, especially for those left behind.

I have come to a place of having a way of supporting and loving those who are going through the throws of grief.

1. Be there for them.  Often it's not what you say, but that you are there.  You listen and do not judge, you be a safe person for them to vent, question, scream, sob, or maybe cuss at/with.  So often when people are grieving they struggle to feel free to really grieve and that will usually lead to a meltdown at some point.  Honestly, the meltdowns will come no matter what, but giving the room to feel and the safety to do so is so very helpful.

2.  Remind them to feel.  Encourage them to grieve.  Most of us know the stages of grief and that road is important to go through.  But that's not the entirety of it.  Once you have lost someone, you will always feel it.  No matter how much time passes.  12 years later you could be at the store and pick up a cookie and think,  "this was their favorite."  and the tears will come and the hurt will feel fresh.  To grieve is to remember and to love.  Let yourself grieve.

3.  Remind them to give themselves and others grace.  No one grieves the same or in the same time frame.  There will be days it cripples you and others it may be more of a cloud on a sunny day.  We don't dictate how our hearts grieve.  We can control how we respond.   So respond with grace.

4.  Talk about the person who is gone.  To be immortal your story must be told.  People must keep you alive by retelling your stories.  A person's life has so many facets and touches people in so many ways.  One story can have more than 2 sides and effect people in ways you'd never know.  The story you share could mean the world to someone else who is grieving too.  My children will never know their Papa.  They will only know the stories we tell, the photos and videos we show.  Those of us left behind,  we must keep the memory alive.  We must tell the good and the bad, to learn from, to honor and remember those who are gone.

5. Pray for peace.

If you or someone you know is grieving this season,  I want you to know that there is a peace that can help you through this.  You simply must ask.  I pray that each person who reads this will feel the peace that only God brings and the love He gives so freely.