For awhile now I have been aware that I have really good instincts and discernment. I think the first few times I realized it was in highschool. But I am STILL trying to learn how to listen to it.
It is incredibly hard to listen to that niggling feeling. Or to just go with my gut. Never more so than now, as a mom.
I have really struggled at times, well most of the time, during the past 5 months of motherhood. I seemed to go through this cycle of.. comfortable - constantly doubting myself - make a decision - 2nd guess myself - coming to a decision again - comfortable again. but those middle steps really have chipped away until I find myself raw and just at my wits end.
But the past few weeks I have come across a few different sources of encouragement that have really spoken to me to; trust my instincts.
One was a devotion for new moms and the other was.. well God. :)
It is incredibly hard to trust my own instincts especially as I feel so inexperienced and ignorant. But that is the beauty of motherhood. It is in us, the innate ability to raise our kids. Does any other mammal 2nd guess how they are raising their offspring?
Does a bear saunter up to a ranger and ask his input on how to teach her cub to fish?
But seriously... I have the ability to be Nora's mom, and do it well. God gave me Nora for a reason. I have been given her as a responsibility for a purpose. I find so much joy in her and so many challenges... but no one else could be her mom like me. And the more I am accepting this fact the more comfortable I feel with being her mom.
I have started trying things no one has ever given me advice on. I am going with my gut about sleeping, eating, development, etc. Yes there are definitely still times I feel like I am floundering and I reach out for advice. But ultimately it's me and Jordan and we have to decide how we want to parent.
There has been a shift in my life. Even though I am suffering from insomnia, I am finding myself more energetic. More purposeful in my time with Nora. I am finding myself more comfortable with my new life.
And I couldn't be more grateful for this shift.
Let me encourage you to trust yourself and your instincts. God has given us each a unique utility belt - we just have to figure out how to use it to make the most of our lives.
