The first trimester. We got about a week of excitement and joy before the fog of exhaustion settled stubbornly over me. From that point on I don't really remember much of our life as whole for the next 2 1/2 months. I often wonder how I got through work, really how did I? And how did no one notice? But what I do remember was my incredible, patient husband stepping up like never before. A switch was flipped and suddenly Poppa Bear Jordan began to emerge. He has always been an incredible partner and supporter. But he reached a whole new level. Cooking dinner, cleaning the house, getting me to bed (sometimes carrying me) early, never losing patience, doing the laundry, etc etc all while working full time and showering me with love and encouragement. He was incredible. And it wasn't until the fog began to lift and I started being me again that He asked for help and told me how exhausted he was. I was overwhelmed with gratitude and brought low for never thinking of his sacrifices while I tried to get out of the fog of exhaustion. Since then, I've tired as best I can to do as much as I can. Which he often scolds me for. :) But I can cook dinner and do laundry and clean(some of it) the house and encourage him and make his lunches and try to find fun things to do. And every chance I get I thank him for all he is doing. All his sacrifice and all his effort. I am so proud of my husband. I've never been so impressed by someone, and he's mine :)
So just a suggestion to first time moms who are newly pregnant. Have people help!! Your husband may argue that he can take care of you and he can. But give him a break! If you can't, then have someone come over and do laundry or clean the house or mow the lawn. He needs a break! It's exhausting running a house and taking care of an exhausted, nauseous pregnant lady :) (let alone later when there will be other rugrats running around!)
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I've always been a supporter of natural, mid-wife assisted births. But I can honestly say I am now an advocate. I always had this mindset around me growing up but ever since I got pregnant, this passion and zeal has exploded inside of me. I could "preach" all afternoon about the "hospital system" vs "natural birth". I don't mean to imply that it's wrong any other way then they way I think is right or that hospital births and the interventions they provide are not safe and valid if used appropriately. But my passion is for mothers to experience what I've been told is an incredibly spiritual event. To not be overwhelmed by fear and not pushed to unnecessary "interventions" but rather to trust their bodies and allow this process that God designed to happen. I know I have yet to go through it and I'm not condemning anyone for their choices or preferred way of giving birth. I just have strong personal opinions and I'm not scared to share them. Just don't get offended if you ask me about it and I get quite passionate. :) I'm looking forward to giving birth naturally and experiencing the fullness of what God created my body to do. And we just trust God that things will go smoothly with no complications.
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My adult life (highschool forward) has been accompanied by a really good memory. I never realized before but, I take pride in the ability to remember insignificant details and just, use my brain! When we moved I could tell you exactly what box and the exact area of that box my single black sock was. Rather suddenly into the 2nd trimester, I started forgetting what happened the day before. Jordan would ask me to do something and 5 minutes later it's like he never said anything to me. My mantra now is, "I will try to remember to do that." I do remember the day I realized how bad my memory was getting, I almost had to morn it. I've relied on it and taken pride in it for so long, and now... I set reminders in my phone for the really important things, like calling my brother when I get home, and the rest I just pray sticks long enough for me to accomplish. It's too exhausting trying to keep it all straight. One thing it has done is teach me not to procrastinate. Cause if I do, I'll forget and it will never happen.
On this topic I only have one request of the general women population. When a pregnant lady talks/complains/mentions being forgetful don't say, "It never comes back, get used to it." Actually, just don't say that to a pregnant lady period. We have alot of challenges already, we don't need a black and white depressing picture of a future with no hope of an resemblance of life as we knew it. Not to mention the fact, it's not a science and you have no idea what will happen after the baby is born. Sorry if that's rude, just the way I see it.
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I can vividly remember multiple arguments I had with my mother in Highschool. They all centered around me wanting independence and responsibility. "Mom, how can I be responsible if you don't let me have the chance to be?" Translates to, I don't want to be accountable anymore and I want my freedom!! My poor Mom :) She was such a good Mom, but as most teenagers, all I could see was my point of view. And so I fought tooth and nail for my independence against a loving, caring and wise set of parents. *shakes head* Now that "hard-won" independence that I lived out by going to Canada for Bible school, not going to college (which I don't regret), taking a solo trip to Africa for a month, etc. has now slowly been taken away from me. By my own body. I never thought about how pregnancy slowly takes away your ability to do many things on your own. (I'm not saying it's impossible, major kudos to ladies out there that do this on their own.) Getting out of bed, standing up or sometimes sitting down, going up stairs, bending over, picking up something. The list grows by the day. Yes, part of me laments and wants to rebel against this loss of independence, but I'm learning. Life will no longer be about me and what I want or what I can do. Forever after it will be about our family and what we all need and want. But at least I'll be able to roll out of bed without help or pick up my keys when I drop them. :)
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A big challenge through this process has been trying to do it through my own strength. Through the exhaustion and nausea, my body changing and the challenges that go with that to the physical pain I often cope through, I have consistently forgotten to rely on God to get me through. This is a lesson I wish I had learned quicker and that people had told me about. Even though our bodies were build to have babies, we still can and should ask God for His help and strength. I learned this well when my hip hurt so bad I could barely walk and even laying down hurt. It was in one of these moments of trying to get into bed that I started crying out to God to help me. And it hit me. I haven't asked for help. So as I'm trying to find a position that doesn't make me cry, I start praying fervently for God's help. And now whenever something happens or I just feel exhausted, I try to remember to lean on God. Yes, it's pregnancy and part of life. But I have found a big change since I started really turning to Him when I reach the end of myself.
Don't forget God!! He wants to be with you through everything. He is that best friend, or husband, or child that truly wants to be right by your side and helping you through every experience. Let Him! Invite Him! It's always better.
