To Blossom

blossom
— n
1.	the flower or flowers of a plant, esp conspicuous flowers producing edible fruit
2.	the time or period of flowering (esp in the phrases in blossom, infull blossom )
— vb
3.	(of plants) to come into flower
4.	to develop or come to a promising stage I'm sure a million blogs like this have been written about being pregnant.  But I wanted to voice my thoughts, it's my blog so I do what I want. :) Being pregnant is often NOT a beautiful thing.  The many "symptoms" and side effects can prove quite unladylike.  My husband has learned to chuckle at the noises that come out of me. I have tried to approach being pregnant a little differently than most of the ladies I know and observed.  I'm not saying anyone else did it "wrong" or that I'm "right".  I just wanted to take my own approach. One example is that I strive to never blame anything on the baby.  If I'm forgetful, I just try to shrug it off and if I have to vocalize blame, it's the hormones.  The crying for no reason, I try to simply allow it and my wonderful husband knows the best way to handle it, just hold me and let me.  It usually passes pretty quick.  But really though, I try to not say things like this baby is killing me, or ugh I hate this I'm so uncomfortable or to my husband, look what you did to me. I KNOW that this is not always fun,  it can be extremely challenging and exhausting and hard and uncomfortable and quite frankly seem impossible.  But I want to keep my mind in a specific realm of positivity. Another area that I'm striving for, is finding the beauty in my growing and changing body.  I can say now that being pregnant for the first time is quite unsettling in the way that you have no idea what to expect and you wake up morning after morning baffled at what else is new or changed.  Like loosing the ability to engage your abs.  Do you realize how much you use your abs for? Opening a door, bending, twisting, pushing a rolling chair, etc.  I never knew!  But in that there can be days that you just struggle.  Clothes stop fitting.  Nothing you put on is comfortable.  You wonder if you are getting fat or if it's just necessary weight that comes with being pregnant (not baby weight).  You wonder how is it possible to get bigger?  How will I stand upright when I do get bigger?  And your self-confidence can really take a hit if you aren't watchful. All my life friends who have been pregnant have said, "I'm getting fat" or something along those lines.  And I would always stop and tell them, "No you are not.  You are growing a baby!"  I am understanding where they are coming from better now.  Along with those hormones and the surprises your body pulls, it can be easy to just let your confidence fall and just suffer through it and hope you live through labor. But I am striving and determined to keep the positive attitude I have been working at.  I know that what is happening inside of me is a miracle.  An absolute miracle.  And it's happening IN me not TO me.  And I try to find the beauty in it.  Whether it's the small things like your hair changing or your acne clearing up (sorry for those this doesn't happen to :S) or feeling your baby dance to music or kick when you relax and stretch out.  Or seeing them in an ultrasound or hearing their heart beat, or finding out if they are a girl or boy and with these experiences letting yourself realize the intricacies and miracle you are housing.  Or simply how wonderful it feels to hold your growing belly and talk to your baby.  Or the lights that flash in people's faces when they feel the baby kick.  Or the way my husband loves her so much and talks to her and makes plans with her. I may not always feel beautiful, but I know that I am.  I know that the miracle inside of me is beautiful and worth it all. Earlier this week a friend at work, just back from vacation took one look at me and said, "You have blossomed while I was gone!" Something about this phrase stuck with me.  It was one of the best compliments I've received. The concept is just gorgeous and I'm holding on to that.