This whole starting over thing....it's way scarier than i thought.
new job, new home, new friends, new church, new adventure~!!! uh... where is it?
i know i know it's only been 3 days. but i can't seem to stop my brain. constant scurrying to find a job find a home..oh wait i have no idea where i want to live! i know i don't want to live in longmont, or greeley.. hmmm that sure narrows it down. NOT. see this is one of the reasons, God are you listening?, that i wanted to come visit first. but instead dear Lord you have challenged me to come here with no idea, no security, no plans, just faith. Okay....leap and hope you catch me. it's alot easier saying i'll do it than actually doing it.
Jobs - almost every job i've had has either come to me or i have not had to chase. they just work out. my last job in insurance. i did not seek it but it found me! sooo.. can that happen here? maybe but the only person i really know is jeremiah and i kinda need to know what i want to do too.
what do i really want to do? i want to work with horses. i'd love to be the hospitality person on a ranch. greet and take care of guests, take care of the horses and barns, take guests for rides and just keep them entertained. or work at a barn and learn how to be a trainer. i'd love to be an understudy. and then eventually teach riding lessons or train horses. this would be my ideal.
but i feel that i may have to start with another job i've had experience in, coffee or office job. both of which were good to and for me, but i want to do something new!! isn't that the whole theme here? ugh!
but since jordan doesn't know what he wants to do either, we have to get a job here soon and whatever job pays well. cause go figure, cost of living isn't that much lower. its just that there's more to choose from.
yes gas and groceries are cheaper..but finding a place to live has so far proved challenging. but maybe that's because a. we dont' really know where we want to live and b. God has the right place for us, just not yet.
is it crazy for me not to want to live in my brother's house? is it unfair that i want my own place where i can unpack my things and decorate and have a home? no. i dont' think it is. no one would i think. and Jordan and God know my heart and my desires and they will partner with me to see them come to be.
it's just so very hard for me. i haven't broken down and cried. no when i start stressing and my brain gets close to exploding i'll just walk away... walk away and trust.
one thought that has been nagging at me is this; if it doesn't work out, what do we do?
i love alaska so don't get me wrong, but it would kill me to move backwards. to come back dejected. i want this to work! God told us to go and we went. why would he send us here only for us to trudge back to Alaska?
God this is your plan, right? i'm so sure of it, but where are your confirmations? where is your provision?
i do recognize that i have a place to live and that we know a few people :) i thank you so very much for that.
But God you are a God of great works! You provide supernaturally and naturally! Father show me your will and path! bring us to the town we are to live in! bring us to the church you have prepared! God provide jobs we never allowed ourselves to dream of! Give us a future of good and success! Father help us to prosper so that we can bring glory to your name and to bless others.
this may seem silly - 3 days in and i'm like this. but no it's really been 2 months for me. the waiting and waiting and then the traveling all the while knowing that i was going in completely blind. and if you know me at all, you'll know this is totally against my nature. i prepare and plan, i make lists and diagrams, i think things through thoroughly. blind is not my style. But, God is my style and if He asks me to use my faith, i am going to do my best. Now it comes down to shutting down the doubt and trusting God. Faith is one thing ...but trust is another. you can have faith: hope for something that is not seen. and not have trust- that you will see it. God i repent for not trusting. Here we go, i'm giving you control. Show me your power and i will continue to be in awe of you.
